Ep 182: Laurin Wittig ~ Flexibility, Transformation & Joy

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:02.363 --> 00:00:07.693
Truth and Transcendence, brought to you by being Space with Catherine Llewellyn.

00:00:07.693 --> 00:00:29.942
Truth and Transcendence, episode 182, with special guest Lauren Wittig, who is on today to talk about flexibility, which I'll come back to in a moment.

00:00:29.942 --> 00:00:45.390
Now, if you haven't come across Lauren, she is an intuitive energy worker, a Reiki master, a shamanic practitioner, an award-winning author and the founder of Heart Light Wellness and the Heart Light Women's Circles.

00:00:45.390 --> 00:00:55.969
She also hosts the Curiously Wise Practical Spirituality in Action podcast, which I had the privilege of being on as a guest recently.

00:00:55.969 --> 00:01:02.685
So we're doing a turnabout this time Lauren's coming on Now.

00:01:02.685 --> 00:01:14.171
You can find Lauren at heartlightjoycom such a lovely website name, heartlightjoycom and we'll remind you of that later in the conversation as well.

00:01:14.881 --> 00:01:25.980
Now, um, lauren's angle on flexibility, I think, is particularly relevant at the moment, purely because of the accelerated range of unpredictable change that's going on at the moment.

00:01:25.980 --> 00:01:28.567
We just have no idea what's going to happen.

00:01:28.567 --> 00:01:33.450
Some of us think we know what's going to happen, but that's the only thing we can definitely be wrong about that.

00:01:33.450 --> 00:01:35.626
We know what's going to happen.

00:01:35.626 --> 00:01:42.424
I think we need to be able to think and respond on our feet and perhaps change our minds with alacrity when required.

00:01:42.424 --> 00:01:51.409
So when Lauren said something to me about this flexibility thing, I thought that's a perfect thing, so I really wanted to come on and talk about it.

00:01:51.409 --> 00:01:53.909
So, lauren, thank you so much for coming on the show.

00:01:54.900 --> 00:01:55.862
Oh, thank you for having me.

00:01:55.862 --> 00:01:59.546
I've enjoyed our previous conversation, so I'm looking forward to another one.

00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:00.760
Fantastic.

00:02:00.760 --> 00:02:09.365
So well, would you like to kick off by telling us a bit about what you mean by flexibility in this context?

00:02:09.365 --> 00:02:17.542
What is this aspect of thinking or aspect of being with thoughts that you have discovered?

00:02:19.204 --> 00:02:36.302
Well, it's one of those things that I wasn't aware of was a particular skill of mine until pretty recently actually, because I have the ability to shift direction very quickly, but I have to.

00:02:36.302 --> 00:02:49.685
I almost have to have somebody else give me permission to sometimes, but I'm learning now that it's okay to change direction on the dime which is what I seem to be really good at.

00:02:49.685 --> 00:02:52.676
I often have to have people reflect back to me what?

00:02:52.676 --> 00:02:55.123
I'm good at, because I don't see it for myself.

00:02:55.123 --> 00:02:57.228
I think most of us can say that.

00:02:57.649 --> 00:02:59.173
Yeah, yeah, it's just me.

00:02:59.173 --> 00:03:01.062
So why is it special?

00:03:01.062 --> 00:03:10.830
So flexibility for me comes primarily from an ability to put myself in, to change my perspective, how I want to put it.

00:03:10.830 --> 00:03:25.112
So a lot of times, that is changing my perspective about the outcome I'm expecting for something Like it's going to be bad, it's going to be, I'm going to have to explain myself, I'm going to have to do this, as opposed to expecting, oh, this is going to be easy, I'm just going to go in.

00:03:25.112 --> 00:03:27.147
It's going to have to do this, as opposed to expecting, oh, this is going to be easy, I'm just going to go in, it's going to be.

00:03:27.147 --> 00:03:40.040
You know, it's sort of like setting an intention, almost, and so flexibility for me is thinking, but it's also this ability to not just think differently, but put myself.

00:03:40.421 --> 00:04:16.992
It's almost like I take a 90 degree turn yeah, in your attitude, you mean in my attitude and then how I am, how I am anticipating the future, I think is really what it comes down to, um, so yeah, that's it you change your perspective on something that hasn't happened yet, which is the future yes, yes, and I think, as you, we're trying to figure out what's, you know, this rapid change and we have these ideas about good, bad, you know, easy, hard, all of these things that are all based in the past.

00:04:17.634 --> 00:04:27.254
They're based on our past experience and we bring those really almost as beliefs forward with us and often they don't serve us very well.

00:04:27.254 --> 00:04:47.581
And this is one of my journeys in this life has been to learn to discern beliefs that are serving me and beliefs that no longer serve me, because usually they started out good and then they, you know they no longer serve you, and so so, yeah, and I just I'm sorry I lost my train of thought.

00:04:47.600 --> 00:05:01.642
I did that you just pivoted in the middle of a sentence, did demonstrate to us all I go off on these tangents periodically, so I apologize, I lost my train of thought, but yeah, so it's totally cool.

00:05:01.682 --> 00:05:02.625
It's totally cool, know.

00:05:02.625 --> 00:05:09.362
I think sometimes we're so intent on staying on the straight line that we're on that.

00:05:09.362 --> 00:05:15.112
We, you know we might perform that really well but, it's not very interesting necessarily.

00:05:15.252 --> 00:05:16.774
Well, good, you know what I mean.

00:05:16.774 --> 00:05:20.148
Sometimes it's actually much more fun to just every now and again go.

00:05:20.148 --> 00:05:21.732
Do you know what?

00:05:21.732 --> 00:05:23.906
I just completely lost the plot.

00:05:23.906 --> 00:05:27.322
But actually, what is actually occurring right now?

00:05:27.322 --> 00:05:28.646
What's actually going on?

00:05:28.646 --> 00:05:43.803
And I think when we're talking about things like being able to shift perspective and change direction, that doesn't fit with the notion that we have to be in control of everything.

00:05:44.807 --> 00:05:45.048
Yes.

00:05:45.319 --> 00:05:48.899
All the time, which is what our ego would prefer, Right right.

00:05:48.899 --> 00:05:52.805
So it's not surprising if the ego comes in and goes you don't know what you're talking about.

00:05:52.805 --> 00:05:55.884
You've forgotten what you're talking about, and it happens to all of us.

00:05:55.884 --> 00:05:59.379
It happens to all of us, Well thank you for that.

00:05:59.540 --> 00:06:16.961
I'm just about to launch a new workshop and I believe it's going to be a good workshop, but I cannot tell you the number of times during the process of creating it and creating the workbooks and getting everything ready, I cannot tell you the number of times I've had a really loud voice in my head saying this is complete rubbish.

00:06:16.961 --> 00:06:23.593
You know that and it's not true, but there's a bit of me that's going.

00:06:23.593 --> 00:06:26.940
Yeah, I really would rather you didn't stick your neck out and do this.

00:06:28.024 --> 00:06:35.966
Yeah, yeah, it's that ego protecting you from something that might not go well, but it might be really amazing.

00:06:36.788 --> 00:06:41.781
Exactly right and to kind of follow that I was interested you said a bit earlier on.

00:06:41.781 --> 00:06:49.353
You said sometimes it almost feels like you need permission from other people to make the change, and then sometimes not.

00:06:49.353 --> 00:06:51.800
So that's kind of interesting.

00:06:51.800 --> 00:07:05.521
I should really ask you, I suppose has this capacity always been with you, or is it something that's more recently developed, or where does it sort of sit in your life context recently?

00:07:05.540 --> 00:07:07.661
developed or where does it sort of sit in your life context?

00:07:07.661 --> 00:07:09.163
Um, you know that's a great question.

00:07:09.163 --> 00:07:16.389
I know that as a child, um, we moved a lot and no, we were not military family.

00:07:16.389 --> 00:07:19.612
My mom, just, um, liked to have a new house every couple of years.

00:07:19.612 --> 00:07:22.014
I don't know why I never asked her about it.

00:07:22.014 --> 00:07:24.196
So I had to be flexible.

00:07:24.196 --> 00:07:48.040
I had to learn to be very flexible, because every time she moved to us and my dad was part of this, but mom was the decision maker in the family I had to go to a new school, I had to make new friends, and so I kind of learned how to do that pretty early, like by second grade, and so I think part of it was was just a survival.

00:07:48.040 --> 00:07:53.192
You know that I needed to be flexible, I needed to be able to go with the flow.

00:07:53.192 --> 00:07:58.932
I literally just finished listening to your episode of flow versus staccato.

00:07:58.932 --> 00:07:59.512
Oh, yeah.

00:08:00.781 --> 00:08:02.704
So I listened to it just before we got on here.

00:08:02.704 --> 00:08:06.192
So I think it was really I really had to learn to go with the flow.

00:08:06.192 --> 00:08:18.250
My parents were young when they had me and they still had a lot of things they wanted to do with their lives, even though they had a kid now and and actually were raising my uncle too, cause he was orphaned already.

00:08:18.250 --> 00:08:33.889
And so I just I think I don't know if I was born with the capacity or it was a survival instinct, but it certainly has become a core piece of my personality and I'm married to a person who's a very linear, logical thinker.

00:08:33.889 --> 00:08:37.687
If you're going to do something, you set out the path, you get there, you do it.

00:08:38.210 --> 00:08:38.991
And I'm not like that.

00:08:38.991 --> 00:08:40.306
I'm like I think I want to do that.

00:08:40.306 --> 00:08:42.668
Oh no, now I really want to do that over there.

00:08:42.668 --> 00:08:52.932
And so I've had multiple careers and I'm kind of pivoting in my own business right now.

00:08:52.932 --> 00:09:00.426
I was about three, four weeks ago now, before vacation, I was ready to shut down my business.

00:09:00.426 --> 00:09:02.770
I was just like I'm done, I'm done.

00:09:02.770 --> 00:09:09.010
Fortunately, I check in with my guides when I go into those kinds of places and they said just wait till you get back from vacation.

00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:09.681
And.

00:09:09.721 --> 00:09:14.331
I got back from vacation with new clarity about what I wanted to focus on.

00:09:14.331 --> 00:09:19.344
So it was a pivot in my business, but not a I'm just going to blow the whole thing up.

00:09:19.344 --> 00:09:29.035
So I still do that constantly and it's an interesting way to live.

00:09:29.035 --> 00:09:34.820
It's not what's expected at least in the US it's not what's expected.

00:09:34.820 --> 00:09:46.331
You're expected to be goal-oriented and to go for that goal and when you get that goal you make a new goal and you keep going and I kind of flow, I flow a lot, and I kind of flow, I flow a lot.

00:09:51.860 --> 00:10:02.653
I call it being very intuitive but it is really a lot of just going where the energy is taking me, but being able to give myself permission to do that is hard, because I wasn't often encouraged to make those decisions for myself as a kid.

00:10:02.653 --> 00:10:13.267
I just had them made for me and I had to go okay.

00:10:13.267 --> 00:10:14.191
Well, now we're doing this.

00:10:14.191 --> 00:10:16.120
So I think it is a skill that can be learned.

00:10:16.120 --> 00:10:24.511
I know that I am more aware that I can do that because I've gotten feedback from my husband recently, who is a wonderful reflector for me.

00:10:24.511 --> 00:10:39.592
You even mentioned something in our conversation a few days ago that when you were on my podcast, you were talking about Palawa, which I was fascinated by, and in that moment I decided I was going to have a session with you.

00:10:39.592 --> 00:10:45.832
I didn't go do more research, I just said that's right for me, I'm going to go in that direction, and I was absolutely right.

00:10:45.832 --> 00:10:47.125
It was awesome.

00:10:47.125 --> 00:11:00.610
So it's something that I think I probably learned, but it's become such a big piece of how I operate in the world that I don't think about it as being a skill much.

00:11:00.610 --> 00:11:08.027
But it really is, because here's one thing I have learned that relates to this my mother was a very difficult person.

00:11:08.027 --> 00:11:09.352
She was a narcissist.

00:11:09.352 --> 00:11:11.620
She had dementia for 10 years before she died.

00:11:11.782 --> 00:11:26.191
I was the one, the child that lived close by, so you know I was involved a lot with her, especially in the last three years when she was in assisted living, and I always had to protect myself from her because I was sort of her target.

00:11:26.191 --> 00:11:31.775
I was expected to be perfect, but she got mad if I was too strong, that kind of thing.

00:11:31.775 --> 00:11:38.397
So I had learned to really protect myself around her and I really hated her for a period of time during that.

00:11:38.397 --> 00:11:40.082
I was working through it all.

00:11:40.082 --> 00:11:58.062
Towards the end of her life she was diagnosed with cancer and I realized that, even though intellectually I knew she would never change, now there was no time for her to change yeah she was only given about four months when we found it and I did a lot of work with healers during that time.

00:11:58.121 --> 00:12:11.613
I did a lot of of you know, talking to my guides and journaling, a lot of introspective work and and I came to the understanding at a gut level that the only person in that relationship that could change was me.

00:12:12.221 --> 00:12:12.421
Yeah.

00:12:14.183 --> 00:12:17.710
And once I came to that, I immediately shifted.

00:12:17.710 --> 00:12:22.403
It's like, okay, I can't do that, I can't be the protected one, I can't be defensive anymore.

00:12:22.403 --> 00:12:26.529
I just have to change how I'm going to react and she can do her thing.

00:12:26.529 --> 00:12:38.197
Well, I went in with a more loving attitude, a more compassionate point of view, perspective and a real clear role.

00:12:38.197 --> 00:12:45.691
You know idea about what my role was in those days, in those weeks, totally changed my relationship with her.

00:12:45.691 --> 00:12:55.801
She softened because I wasn't being defensive all the time and it has allowed me, especially after she passed, to really look back and go.

00:12:55.841 --> 00:12:58.947
You know, she was a good person in many, many ways.

00:12:58.947 --> 00:13:08.019
I can appreciate that and forgive her foibles, the difficulties, forgive her being a narcissist.

00:13:08.019 --> 00:13:13.051
That wasn't something she yeah, maybe she chose to come in that way, but it was.

00:13:13.051 --> 00:13:18.328
It allowed me to get to a place of forgiveness and boy, is that a beautiful place to get to.

00:13:18.328 --> 00:13:44.369
Yeah, because it's not letting, it's not forgetting what happened, but it's allowing myself to be okay with it, to let go of it, to heal from it, and so that, I think, is a really powerful story for me of where, really, in about a day's time, I completely shifted my perspective about my relationship with my mother, and it changed everything for the better.

00:13:47.259 --> 00:13:49.490
Well, how wonderful that that happened when you still had a bit of time with her.

00:13:49.913 --> 00:14:02.009
Yes, you know some people, a lot of people, never have that shift and are still holding their parents responsible for the entire relationship yes, until they die, right.

00:14:02.009 --> 00:14:05.370
Who knows what that does to the generational flow.

00:14:05.370 --> 00:14:18.567
It gets carried forward, or they get clear about it after the person's dead and gone, which is not actually too late in the sense that you can still transform your relationship with it.

00:14:18.567 --> 00:14:25.191
But it is lovely to be able to do it with the actual person, and it sounds like she then benefited from that.

00:14:25.191 --> 00:14:26.293
She did.

00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:58.274
That's the part that shocked me the most is once I just took responsibility for my own role in that relationship and accepted at a gut level because intellectually I knew all this but I was able to, and actually it was probably at the heart level is where I should say it was accepted that she was doing the best job she could with the cards she had and I could appreciate that, even if I didn't like how I had been raised as a kid.

00:14:58.274 --> 00:15:02.249
Now I had also been doing a lot of healing work around that.

00:15:02.249 --> 00:15:04.610
I still occasionally have things that bubble up.

00:15:04.610 --> 00:15:09.374
Now I had also been doing a lot of healing work around that.

00:15:09.374 --> 00:15:10.474
I still occasionally have things that bubble up.

00:15:10.474 --> 00:15:10.914
So it's not a perfect.

00:15:10.914 --> 00:15:13.875
It's not like I was all of a sudden healed of all the traumas, but I was able to put them in a different perspective.

00:15:13.875 --> 00:15:23.966
My beliefs about that relationship changed, what they had to be to what they could be yeah, and that was yeah Sounds very liberating actually.

00:15:24.780 --> 00:15:25.322
It was.

00:15:25.322 --> 00:15:28.903
It really was, because I could just be present for her.

00:15:28.903 --> 00:15:45.700
Then I wasn't so busy, you know, um, replaying all the icky stuff you know about how she you know, a narcissist with dementia is a really hard person to be around, um, but I could let go of that and I wasn't replaying it in my head all the time when I was with her.

00:15:45.700 --> 00:15:47.524
I have to protect myself, have to protect myself.

00:15:47.524 --> 00:16:06.081
I could just be me, yeah, and and that allowed her to to really be kind of a softer version of herself and more what she presented to other people, which was the best version of herself, and and so it was very freeing, it was.

00:16:06.081 --> 00:16:16.868
It's allowed me a lot of peace since she passed, because I haven't had to carry that anger and stuff with me, because I was able to resolve it.

00:16:18.802 --> 00:16:20.710
And you know, she didn't do the work, I did the work.

00:16:20.710 --> 00:16:25.100
So it's that was.

00:16:25.100 --> 00:16:34.065
It's probably one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned in my life and really does flavor every relationship I have now.

00:16:34.065 --> 00:16:39.996
Yeah, so it's um, it's massive, and that came from a flexibility going.

00:16:39.996 --> 00:16:41.720
I can't continue this way.

00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:46.687
What are my other options, you know, and she's not going to change.

00:16:46.687 --> 00:16:47.769
Okay, I can change.

00:16:47.769 --> 00:16:53.201
So, and literally in about 24 hours, I was able to make that shift.

00:16:54.538 --> 00:16:57.967
Well, and how many of us are waiting for the other person to change?

00:16:58.048 --> 00:17:00.687
Yes, yes, or building up Trying to force it.

00:17:01.215 --> 00:17:13.362
Yeah, or trying to force it, or building up resentment about the fact that they're not changing, or that conditions are not changing or circumstances are not changing, rather than saying what are my options with that?

00:17:13.362 --> 00:17:23.000
And something else that strikes me in the way that you're talking about this you're talking about going with the flow, but there's nothing vague about the way you're describing it.

00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:37.222
Some people, when they say going with the flow, there's a sort of a vagueness and a suspension of the ability to make choices and decisions, whereas you seem to be able to go with the flow and make choices and decisions as well.

00:17:38.085 --> 00:17:40.169
So you're incorporating both.

00:17:40.169 --> 00:17:43.942
And you just mentioned that episode that I did on flow in staccato.

00:17:43.942 --> 00:17:49.838
You're doing both, yes, episode that I did on flow, instacarto yes, yes, you're doing both.

00:17:49.838 --> 00:17:50.240
Yes, aren't you?

00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:53.510
Yeah, right, I'm flowing and I'm making a choice here, and then I'm looking at my options and I'm going to flow on.

00:17:53.510 --> 00:17:57.140
Now I make a choice, right, so you're combining the two.

00:17:57.140 --> 00:18:01.146
Yeah, I like that.

00:18:01.247 --> 00:18:04.457
Yeah, yes yeah, that's and, and that's very much it.

00:18:04.457 --> 00:18:43.207
Um, yeah, another story where it was just like instant change is I had an issue with my dad's girlfriend after he passed and this is decades ago now and there were some family antiques involved that were supposed to come back to the family when he passed and she wasn't allowing that and he didn't leave a will and all this stuff, and I was trying to get some things back that my brother had wanted my uncle, who was raised with me, because I'd already taken sort of the stuff that I needed, as my father had moved in with his girlfriend years before.

00:18:43.207 --> 00:18:54.596
And I felt really bad because my brother or uncle wasn't going to get what he wanted from the family stuff, and so I kept pushing and, pushing and pushing to try to figure it out.

00:18:54.596 --> 00:19:07.690
My husband finally looked at me and said if you had to trade these family antiques for not ever having to deal with this woman again, would it be worth it?

00:19:07.690 --> 00:19:11.199
And I literally stood completely still.

00:19:11.661 --> 00:19:13.726
I remember we were standing in the dining room.

00:19:13.726 --> 00:19:23.905
I don't know why, but we were standing in the dining room and he said this and I'm looking around at the stuff in the dining room and I'm just thinking and I went totally, totally worth it.

00:19:23.905 --> 00:19:28.512
My brother can deal with his own things if he wants to, but I'm out of it.

00:19:28.512 --> 00:19:29.977
I don't have to deal with her ever again.

00:19:29.977 --> 00:19:32.343
Hallelujah, yeah, that's it.

00:19:32.343 --> 00:19:36.719
I my, my emotions changed my whole attitude about, about.

00:19:36.719 --> 00:19:40.976
You know, I was gonna have to do this and have to do that and have to have to have to.

00:19:40.976 --> 00:19:43.740
You know, totally changed in that moment.

00:19:44.541 --> 00:19:48.849
Fantastic, I mean, yeah, so that was, I was flowing with the problem.

00:19:49.355 --> 00:20:12.569
Yes, my husband, as he often does, gave me an alternative future to look at and I'm like, oh, I want that one and off I went yeah, and you're not only look, you're not only um in yourself periodically saying, do I have another option, but you're also now got other people in your life doing that for you, and isn't that interesting.

00:20:13.714 --> 00:20:39.305
It is, and I think it's part of why my husband and I are such a good pair, because we've been married almost 40 years now and he is this logical thinker and I am this intuitive person, and so he has a very clear idea of what, because he's got an engineering mind, so he's always aware that there's three or four different ways you could go forward here.

00:20:39.305 --> 00:20:50.795
And I'm not I'm so busy flowing, I only see this one in front of me and so he often will say, well, we could do this or we could do that, and this would be the benefit and that would be the benefit.

00:20:50.795 --> 00:20:53.523
And I can immediately go well, I like that idea, let's do that.

00:20:53.523 --> 00:20:57.022
Sometimes it's scary to do that.

00:20:57.022 --> 00:21:00.063
We've made some big decisions that way.

00:21:00.363 --> 00:21:11.776
Like we picked up our whole family and moved from the Washington DC area two and a half hours south, to a small town where the kids could go to public schools and we could have a bigger house, all the things that we couldn't do in the city.

00:21:11.776 --> 00:21:14.983
We did that, and we did it kind of in that way.

00:21:14.983 --> 00:21:22.276
We'd been looking and, looking and looking for a new house and couldn't find a big enough one in an area where he could commute to work every day.

00:21:22.276 --> 00:21:24.340
He owns his own company based in DC.

00:21:24.340 --> 00:21:31.101
And we just finally said, well, what if we didn't have to be in DC?

00:21:31.280 --> 00:21:40.444
We took the piece out that we have to be there and we immediately focused on Williamsburg, virginia, where we've lived for 25 years now, and it was one of those.

00:21:40.444 --> 00:21:46.602
We were looking at all of the different options and he said, well, what if I didn't have to be able to be on the metro every day?

00:21:46.602 --> 00:21:52.230
And for both of us it was like an illuminating moment and we were able to go.

00:21:52.230 --> 00:21:53.597
Well, we both love Williamsburg.

00:21:53.597 --> 00:21:55.644
We've vacationed down here several times.

00:21:55.644 --> 00:21:56.425
The kids love it.

00:21:56.425 --> 00:21:57.616
It's a nice little town.

00:21:57.616 --> 00:22:06.442
And 13 months later we had sold our house and built a house and moved into it.

00:22:06.923 --> 00:22:08.086
That's the other thing I love about it.

00:22:08.086 --> 00:22:21.441
When you make those decisions, it's like the universe says, okay, great, let's make this one work, and everything fell into place that we needed when we needed it, exactly the way we needed it for what we could afford.

00:22:21.441 --> 00:22:26.877
That's when you know, okay, in hindsight, at least we made the right decision because the universe aligned to help us do that.

00:22:26.877 --> 00:22:29.102
So it it's.

00:22:29.102 --> 00:22:32.248
Yeah, there's all these different pieces that come into this.

00:22:32.248 --> 00:22:35.021
There's the flow and there's the the making choices.

00:22:35.021 --> 00:22:44.221
There's the serendipity and the and the and having somebody else to help you see what your options are if you're a person like me yeah is super valuable.

00:22:44.642 --> 00:23:06.663
Yeah, Well, I think for any of us, having people we can go to and say you know, can you see another angle on this that I'm not seeing is so valuable, and particularly if they're able to communicate the other idea without sort of making you feel like you've just been flayed for not having the idea already.

00:23:06.663 --> 00:23:08.866
You know, with compassion.

00:23:09.909 --> 00:23:12.773
Yes, you have to have a little self-compassion around this.

00:23:12.773 --> 00:23:14.457
It's like, well, why didn't I see that?

00:23:14.457 --> 00:23:24.222
Yeah, exactly so towards the end of my mother's life I started up a women's circle, which I had never had any intention of doing.

00:23:24.222 --> 00:23:35.917
It was just after I opened my business and I had been talking to a lot of women in yoga classes and stuff and we all agreed we just needed a community where we could come together and talk about things that don't get talked about much.

00:23:35.917 --> 00:23:40.057
And everybody kept saying you do it, lauren, you do it Lauren, you do it Lauren.

00:23:40.176 --> 00:23:51.497
And I finally went, okay, well, and then, of course, everything aligned, there's a perfect place to have it.

00:23:51.497 --> 00:23:52.159
We didn't have to pay for it.

00:23:52.159 --> 00:23:52.901
I had, you know, five people.

00:23:52.901 --> 00:23:54.585
I said I know you're interested, would you invite your friends to come too?

00:23:54.585 --> 00:24:48.112
And um, and I did it, because I was going through menopause and the stuff with my mom and I could only see I had tunnel vision about everything and I really wanted to hear what other people's experiences were, and I didn't realize it at the time, but that allowed me to see different ways of being with, whether it was with menopause symptoms or a difficult parent or starting up a business, but that perspective, that's where I really began to learn about perspective, because I could only see my own perspective and I had 15 other women around and there was always several of them, at least, who were in the same situation, and this is what I've figured out to do with this, or this is what was recommended to me, and you know, and that really expanded my options in a way that I didn't have alone.

00:24:49.133 --> 00:24:52.542
Yeah, what a great response to that.

00:24:52.542 --> 00:25:06.859
You know what a great way to do that, yeah, so you've been quite good at kind of enrolling into your space who support you in this, because it links to what I was just thinking of asking you.

00:25:06.859 --> 00:25:11.557
You know, because we're talking about this and anyone listening could think, hey, that sounds great, I'll just do that.

00:25:12.359 --> 00:25:13.323
I'll just do that immediately.

00:25:14.084 --> 00:25:18.480
But I'm guessing there are reasons why people don't just do this.

00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:21.848
You know there are aspects that can get in the way.

00:25:21.848 --> 00:25:31.348
You know, for people listening, what would you say are the barriers or the blocks to being able to be kind of flexible in this way?

00:25:31.388 --> 00:25:43.862
we're talking about it's expectations and I always assume that other people have expectations for me and I don't want to let them down.

00:25:43.862 --> 00:25:45.940
Yeah, you know, I promised to do this on this time.

00:25:45.940 --> 00:25:46.542
I've got to get it done Well.

00:25:46.542 --> 00:25:46.763
In reality.

00:25:46.763 --> 00:25:47.507
They don't want to let them down.

00:25:47.507 --> 00:25:48.471
Yeah, I promised to do this on this time.

00:25:48.471 --> 00:25:49.435
I've got to get it done Well.

00:25:49.435 --> 00:25:50.137
In reality.

00:25:50.137 --> 00:25:51.584
They don't care.

00:25:51.584 --> 00:25:54.321
I can be flexible in places.

00:25:54.321 --> 00:25:57.884
I'm learning to bring that in every day more and more.

00:26:00.439 --> 00:26:05.189
But yeah, I always have had friends who were really much more clear-eyed than I am.

00:26:05.189 --> 00:26:11.921
I'm clear-hearted but I'm not clear-eyed, and my husband, of course, has been a big piece of that.

00:26:11.921 --> 00:26:20.126
And I have it's interesting that you say I've recruited I've always had a friend around me who pushed me to do the things I wanted to do.

00:26:20.126 --> 00:26:23.739
When I was writing books.

00:26:23.739 --> 00:26:41.663
I wrote historical romances set in medieval Scotland and I had a very good friend whose family her dad was from Scotland and so she had done a lot of research and she shared stuff with me that I was afraid to do and we kind of pushed each other to get the writing done.

00:26:43.336 --> 00:26:48.965
As I started my journey, my spiritual journey, I had a very dear friend who I also met through writing.

00:26:48.965 --> 00:26:56.988
But we were friends for a long, long time and I called her my chief instigator because she would say she learned something.

00:26:56.988 --> 00:27:05.702
She was researching a book with people where people had sort of these alternative skills and she would say I just heard somebody talking about doing this.

00:27:05.702 --> 00:27:07.238
Try it, lauren, see if you can do it.

00:27:07.238 --> 00:27:20.195
And every damn time it was something I could do and I ended up being a healer because of her pushing me to get healing work and to try things, and so I can be pretty much a couch potato.

00:27:20.236 --> 00:27:28.023
If I'm not careful, if I don't have people around me to keep me doing things or getting motivated, I don't know where that comes from.

00:27:28.023 --> 00:27:35.068
I'm perfectly content to sit on a couch for six hours and do nothing and I'm not doing nothing.

00:27:35.068 --> 00:27:41.008
I'm usually like mulling things over when I do that, but so I have always really had friends.

00:27:41.008 --> 00:27:44.001
I know that I work better when I have other people.

00:27:44.001 --> 00:27:45.203
I work better with a team.

00:27:45.203 --> 00:27:46.827
The women's circles are great.

00:27:46.827 --> 00:27:50.280
I have to show up for them and I get to be part of that community.

00:27:50.280 --> 00:27:56.038
And I actually, when I was writing, I had friends here in town.

00:27:56.038 --> 00:28:03.663
We'd meet every morning at a coffee shop to write for an hour together, and that's how I wrote four of my books.

00:28:04.644 --> 00:28:05.547
Lovely.

00:28:05.547 --> 00:28:07.471
That's really that's.

00:28:07.471 --> 00:28:10.277
That's what I might call emotional intelligence.

00:28:10.277 --> 00:28:14.976
You know where people are being intelligent about what the support is that they need.

00:28:15.576 --> 00:28:19.683
Yes, yeah, and, and, yeah and it's.

00:28:19.683 --> 00:28:22.347
It's once I I learned that about myself.

00:28:22.347 --> 00:28:31.230
It's like I like to play games where other people have to show up, whether it's like pickleball or actually, you know, a group game as opposed to, say, solitaire.

00:28:31.230 --> 00:28:39.644
Um, I, I like to be in community and um, and I, I get a lot of um.

00:28:39.644 --> 00:28:46.443
Really balance from it, I think, is what I get yeah yeah, I kind of share the energy with other people.

00:28:46.463 --> 00:28:50.798
My my energy is great, but their energy is active, that kind of thing.

00:28:50.798 --> 00:29:01.905
So I did recognize that pretty early on, probably not till I got out of school and got out into the world, where you're not just surrounded by your peers all the time.

00:29:01.905 --> 00:29:09.317
When I was a mother, a young mother, I I reached out and found other young mothers who were at home for the first time.

00:29:09.317 --> 00:29:29.108
Yeah, so I, I it's, um, it's definitely in my nature to be part of a group and um, and I enjoy that a lot and I get a lot of benefit from it yeah, and I get that that supports you in you know your ability to kind of pause and look at what the other options might be and then take a path.

00:29:29.875 --> 00:29:44.111
So I suppose the message then for me and anyone else listening is be sure to have the people around you who are going to actually support you, to take a moment, reflect on it.

00:29:44.111 --> 00:29:55.122
Take a moment, reflect on it, recognize what the flow is and then recognize what the choice is to be made and then to do it, to actually do it, yes, so I think that's great.

00:29:55.122 --> 00:30:05.515
I've been in a lot of situations when I was younger, particularly with girls at that time, where the primary kind of vibe was competitive.

00:30:06.895 --> 00:30:17.627
Everyone was very competitive with each other and I think some women find that maybe it's back to expectations.

00:30:17.627 --> 00:30:21.491
They don't expect that a group of women is actually going to be supportive.

00:30:49.755 --> 00:30:51.258
They expect the group of women is going to be competitive.

00:30:51.258 --> 00:31:02.286
You know, because that women's group I had been in other kinds of groups but and so I went in without any concern about that competitiveness, because that was not my intention and I actually intuitively set rules.

00:31:02.286 --> 00:31:09.866
You know, I had them all written down and we read out the intention of the group at, you know, the beginning of every circle and um, and it never was a problem.

00:31:09.866 --> 00:31:16.248
And I had a number of people tell me from that group how different it was from previous groups that they had been in.

00:31:16.248 --> 00:31:18.740
But I didn't, I didn't bring my ego into it.

00:31:18.740 --> 00:31:19.823
I was.

00:31:19.823 --> 00:31:28.557
I was there to learn, I was there to share, I was there to to see, you know, what other women were going through.

00:31:28.557 --> 00:31:33.167
And that circle, when we aren't competitive in it, is a very natural place for women to be.

00:31:33.167 --> 00:31:36.480
It's kind of how we evolved.

00:31:36.882 --> 00:31:37.785
I get that completely.

00:31:37.785 --> 00:31:57.440
So I suppose if somebody has an expectation that a person or a group are not going to be supportive, that a person or a group are not going to be supportive, then perhaps that expectation can be examined and look to see if there's another possibility in terms of expectation or going in and engaging.

00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:10.282
That story you told about your relationship with your mother was, I think, a really good example of that, where you had one, if you like, experience of being with her, which then was feeding the expectation of what it would be like every time, every single time.

00:32:10.282 --> 00:32:21.469
And and then you, through you were saying through doing healing work, um, you, you were actively working on yourself then, weren't you?

00:32:21.469 --> 00:32:30.980
And as you came to a place where you could see what your expectation was causing and that you could shift your expectation, so I think that's.

00:32:31.501 --> 00:32:37.244
I'm just sort of emphasizing that again because I think that's a very, very powerful message for us.

00:32:37.974 --> 00:32:40.224
Yes, yeah, and that's a beautiful way to put it together.

00:32:40.224 --> 00:32:43.920
So I always learn something about myself when I do these interviews.

00:32:43.920 --> 00:32:45.505
Yeah, me too.

00:32:45.505 --> 00:32:48.237
Seeing that all put together like that is brilliant.

00:32:48.237 --> 00:32:50.182
So, yeah, yeah, it's, it's.

00:32:50.182 --> 00:32:52.768
You know, back to where I kind of started with we.

00:32:53.035 --> 00:33:08.758
We have expectations about the future that are based on the past, and the past doesn't often doesn't serve us very well, because we tend to bring the the the more I don't want to say negative, lower vibrational expectations forward, and that's natural.

00:33:08.758 --> 00:33:12.233
That's a protection where you know that's a normal way to move through.

00:33:12.233 --> 00:33:13.096
The world is like that.

00:33:13.096 --> 00:33:15.644
When I did, when I touched that hot stove, it hurt.

00:33:15.644 --> 00:33:29.786
I don't want to do that again, but maybe it's cold this time and there's something good to eat on it, so, yeah, so that expectation is really where we have to stop and go wait.

00:33:29.786 --> 00:33:35.823
Am I just expecting this because that's the way I've always expected it, or is there another way I can approach it?

00:33:35.823 --> 00:33:52.500
And you know, anybody who works with spirituality understands the power of intention, and so what you were just saying is, if I'm expecting this to be difficult, I'm setting an intention for it to be difficult and if I'm setting the intention that this is going to be different this time.

00:33:52.500 --> 00:33:55.025
I don't know how, but it's going to be better.

00:33:55.025 --> 00:33:57.848
Then I'm setting a better intention.

00:33:58.210 --> 00:33:58.410
Yeah.

00:34:00.957 --> 00:34:07.388
So, yeah, those beliefs that we've built over our lifetimes can be a heavy burden to pull into the future.

00:34:08.094 --> 00:34:09.778
Absolutely so.

00:34:09.778 --> 00:34:11.061
I think this is one of those.

00:34:11.061 --> 00:34:31.199
I like to think of what you're describing as a capacity rather than a skill, because it's like a kind of organic flexibility within you that you're describing, rather than a specific set of steps that you're taking so it's so, and capacities can be expanded, can't they?

00:34:32.021 --> 00:34:34.987
yes, yeah, yeah, it's like building a muscle.

00:34:34.987 --> 00:34:38.804
You just know like building exercising it exactly.

00:34:38.905 --> 00:34:44.802
So I'm feeling like, from what you're saying, this is not something where you can say to everybody this is how you do it.

00:34:44.802 --> 00:34:58.018
It's more something where you can sort of illustrate it and describe it, yeah, and invite people to try it out and expand with it and play with it, yeah exactly.

00:34:58.739 --> 00:35:02.947
Let's bring the play into it, because that lifts everything up and it's.

00:35:02.947 --> 00:35:10.728
I mean, I literally was mulling over a problem this morning that I've been putting off for years and I because I thought it was going to be difficult, you know.

00:35:10.728 --> 00:35:12.476
So I'm going to go in, I'm going to have to explain it.

00:35:12.476 --> 00:35:16.976
I was trying to prepare all the story that you know that and I look, I finally stopped.

00:35:16.976 --> 00:35:22.077
I literally was lying in bed doing this this morning and I thought, what if I just walk in and it's not a problem?

00:35:22.077 --> 00:35:27.106
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna hold on to that one, and I haven't.

00:35:27.467 --> 00:35:44.347
I haven't executed that particular task yet, but I am, and I like to kind of sometimes I have to let myself come back to it a couple times, you know to to to out shout the old idea yeah, and I, it's so, that's I.

00:35:44.347 --> 00:35:51.286
So, since this is, since this is so fresh, I'm probably going to give it a couple of days where I continue to tell myself it's going to be easy, it's going to be easy.

00:35:51.286 --> 00:35:56.545
It's going to be easy In part because that old story is so loud in my head.

00:35:56.545 --> 00:35:59.824
So, yeah, but I'm just playing with it.

00:35:59.824 --> 00:36:05.067
Well, what if there's my favorite word or my favorite question what if?

00:36:05.067 --> 00:36:07.179
What if it was easy?

00:36:07.179 --> 00:36:07.981
What would it be like?

00:36:07.981 --> 00:36:11.960
How cool would that be?

00:36:11.960 --> 00:36:14.826
And I learned the value of that question when I was writing novels.

00:36:14.826 --> 00:36:17.157
Is that, what if the character did this?

00:36:17.157 --> 00:36:18.762
What if that happened next in the plot?

00:36:18.762 --> 00:36:20.326
And you're constantly playing what if?

00:36:20.326 --> 00:36:30.376
And it's such a powerful, powerful question what if I chose to try this a different way, or to think about this a different way?

00:36:30.777 --> 00:36:40.679
yeah what if I asked somebody else how they handled this situation, to get a little perspective, you know so amazing.

00:36:40.679 --> 00:36:48.047
I think it's fantastic it's such a powerful little question to ask and we don't do it enough.

00:36:48.367 --> 00:36:52.577
No, no, what if, as opposed to if, only which?

00:36:52.637 --> 00:36:54.882
is the one yeah people more likely to be asking.

00:36:54.922 --> 00:36:57.568
So, yeah, I think that's fantastic.

00:36:57.568 --> 00:37:04.418
I think this is a really really valuable capacity that we're talking about and I I do think it's really needed at the moment.

00:37:04.418 --> 00:37:06.021
Yeah, yeah.

00:37:06.101 --> 00:37:06.742
Oh gosh, yes.

00:37:07.262 --> 00:37:23.286
It actually comes on to the next thing I was going to sort of bring up, which is you know, if you think about, there are some interesting things happening in the world at the moment.

00:37:23.286 --> 00:37:30.559
I think we could argue You've got to laugh really you gotta laugh really.

00:37:30.527 --> 00:37:31.527
Um, you know, and there are, uh well, there are people.

00:37:31.527 --> 00:37:49.570
There are a lot of people out there who are in leadership positions, who are trying to be part of the solution, and there are a lot of people out there who are trying to be good leaders in their own lives, you know, and be contributing to others and evolving and growing and, um, this podcast tends to attract those sorts of people to listen.

00:37:49.570 --> 00:37:52.505
So some of those people are listening right now to our conversation.

00:37:52.505 --> 00:38:00.831
Is there something you'd like to say to those people in relation to what we've been talking about today?

00:38:00.851 --> 00:38:19.159
Okay, Well, those people us being of them, my peeps we talk about vibration a lot and about raising our vibration and the lovely thing about being able to use this question what if?

00:38:19.159 --> 00:38:29.612
And to look at the possibilities as opposed to basing things on the past it's going to raise everything around us.

00:38:29.612 --> 00:38:40.043
So, just by working on our own little you know problems where you know our old beliefs that aren't serving us, and we're trying to figure out a way to you know, forward.

00:38:40.043 --> 00:38:41.976
That's better, that's more uplifting.

00:38:41.976 --> 00:38:47.728
Even those little tiny steps are having a ripple effect on everybody around us.

00:38:47.728 --> 00:38:59.065
Yeah, so if we can all start to be thinking more positively, you know, um, we can, we can change the world and and it doesn't, you don't have to.

00:38:59.204 --> 00:39:02.195
I, I don't often want to step into a leadership position.

00:39:02.195 --> 00:39:05.538
I often get put into them, but I don't really want to step into them myself.

00:39:05.538 --> 00:39:17.972
But just doing that as a leader of your own life, you know it's going to have massive change in the world.

00:39:17.972 --> 00:39:23.599
It overcomes fear, it overcomes despair, it overcomes anxiety.

00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:24.623
It creates hope.

00:39:24.623 --> 00:39:26.041
It creates a lightness.

00:39:26.041 --> 00:39:26.686
It creates hope.

00:39:26.686 --> 00:39:27.693
It creates a lightness.

00:39:27.693 --> 00:39:29.121
It creates laughter.

00:39:29.121 --> 00:39:37.909
I don't think I've ever done an interview on my podcast, or anybody else's, where I haven't laughed during it, because it's just my nature to kind of lift it that way.

00:39:37.909 --> 00:39:53.639
Just take a moment for yourself and let go of the.

00:39:53.639 --> 00:40:01.244
Whatever the situation is that you are sure is going to be difficult or challenging in a not fun way, or that there's no way you could ever make that work, but you really would love it to work.

00:40:01.244 --> 00:40:03.036
Ask that what if?

00:40:03.036 --> 00:40:12.945
Question, look at the options and really hold that new vision as much as you can.

00:40:12.985 --> 00:40:18.271
Now I love to journal so I will often write things down because they're more real to me.

00:40:18.271 --> 00:40:31.601
When I do that, I try to do it daily and I try to go into that with that higher intention of life is good, everything's going to be fine.

00:40:31.601 --> 00:40:45.965
I know it sounds Pollyanna, but it's such a beautiful, hopeful way to look at the world, as opposed to this fear and doom and damnation kind of story, that we get thrown at us all the time.

00:40:45.965 --> 00:40:46.668
And I just choose.

00:40:46.668 --> 00:40:56.557
I choose to do that, I choose to be in the positive and I'm I am well aware of everything that's going on in the world and I know it.

00:40:56.637 --> 00:41:04.840
It's awful and it's horrible and it's difficult, but I have the, the, the luxury of living in a place where that's well we have.

00:41:04.840 --> 00:41:19.478
We have our fair share of craziness here in the US, but I have the luxury of living a life where I can take that time and space to hold that light, to hold that vision, to hold that hope.

00:41:19.478 --> 00:41:27.210
And if each one of us could do that, even for a few minutes a day, what a change it would make.

00:41:27.210 --> 00:41:30.119
And that's my mission.

00:41:30.119 --> 00:41:31.684
That's my mission.

00:41:31.684 --> 00:41:35.324
It's just like let's lift everybody up as much as we can, as often as we can.

00:41:35.324 --> 00:41:42.898
Yeah, and it does truly change lives when you do that your own for sure, but those around you too.

00:41:43.358 --> 00:41:46.626
Yeah, amazing, I love it.

00:41:46.626 --> 00:41:49.583
So you have people coming and working with you.

00:41:49.583 --> 00:42:02.016
You are an energy worker, a Reiki master, a shamanic practitioner, as well as and you're the founder of Heartlight Wellness, which presumably is the sort of umbrella for all of those.

00:42:02.217 --> 00:42:02.938
Yes, yes.

00:42:03.820 --> 00:42:10.514
And you mentioned about the women's circles that you're running, yes, yes, and you mentioned about the women's circles that you're running.

00:42:10.514 --> 00:42:22.869
So when you're working with people, when they come to you, are they being encouraged to kind of take this more, shall we say, open to the positive perspective on?

00:42:22.929 --> 00:42:23.190
life.

00:42:23.190 --> 00:42:27.300
I think eventually they get there.

00:42:27.300 --> 00:42:33.045
Usually, when people come to me, it's because they are hurting, whether it's emotional or physical.

00:42:33.045 --> 00:42:41.715
It's a lot of trauma people are trying to work through, especially as they're newly awakening to the spiritual and they're starting to get help.

00:42:42.177 --> 00:42:56.509
I get a lot of those people who are new to the journey, so I do a lot of teaching as I'm doing healing work, but, yeah, after a short period of time, they start to see a light, a glimmer of light.

00:42:56.509 --> 00:43:23.746
They start to see a different way and to some degree, that's because when they especially if they're here in person though I do most of my work on Zoom, like this but they're in my energy, they're in my workspace, which is my sanctuary, and they're in my energy and I think that helps them to see the higher, because they can lift up higher when they're with me.

00:43:23.746 --> 00:43:32.371
Yes, and I'm sure that they drop down, because in my early days I could be, I could lift up to a higher level when I was with other people, like that.

00:43:32.371 --> 00:43:37.503
The minute I was by myself, I was back down to my my what, my normal baseline.

00:43:37.503 --> 00:43:46.626
I call it back then, um, so, yeah, I think that they very rapidly when and it's not just me, it's any healer you go to is going to have this nice vibration.

00:43:50.195 --> 00:43:51.699
I know you're well aware of that.

00:43:51.699 --> 00:43:56.168
So I think over a fairly short period of time they start to really feel a difference.

00:43:56.168 --> 00:44:28.016
It's usually two or three sessions before they really begin to see hope and to see a way out of their pain and that I can facilitate that that journey with them earlier about.

00:44:28.036 --> 00:44:31.322
Sometimes you give yourself two or three goes at shifting into a different expectation in relation to something in particular.

00:44:31.322 --> 00:44:35.438
So you're not beating yourself up if you don't pivot instantly.

00:44:36.019 --> 00:44:52.963
Sometimes you pivot instantly, sometimes I do, and other times you need to kind of come at it a few times and I think that's good for us to remember as well, because I've had times in my life when I've come across a capacity that I want to develop in myself and I'm immediately furious with myself.

00:44:52.963 --> 00:44:54.199
I haven't already developed it.

00:44:54.199 --> 00:44:55.516
Yes, you know.

00:44:55.516 --> 00:44:57.530
And why have I not developed it?

00:44:57.550 --> 00:44:58.556
Why don't I know that I've been doing?

00:44:58.596 --> 00:45:01.985
everything I needed to do to get to the point where I realized it was something I wanted to develop.

00:45:07.596 --> 00:45:08.903
But you know, sometimes we need to give ourselves that break.

00:45:08.903 --> 00:45:10.210
Yeah, give yourself a little grace.

00:45:10.210 --> 00:45:30.367
You know, we're human, we're having a human experience and human I say this a lot I think when we come in as humans, we forget how hard it is to be in the human body, and so we take on, perhaps, or we plan more for our lives than is really realistic, exactly.

00:45:30.635 --> 00:45:31.559
Or we just give up.

00:45:31.559 --> 00:45:38.626
Yeah, and just kind of go along with a kind of preset rut that's in front of us.

00:45:39.027 --> 00:45:40.338
Yeah, do the expected.

00:45:40.338 --> 00:45:46.065
You know Exactly, and it's really fun to surprise yourself.

00:45:46.065 --> 00:45:50.543
I never expected to be a healer.

00:45:50.543 --> 00:46:01.643

Ep 182: Laurin Wittig ~ Flexibility, Transformation & Joy

Listen On

Recent Episodes