Ep 168: Marcus Aurelius Higgs ~ Self-Love, Spirituality & Transformative Storytelling

Transcript

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Truth and Transcendence, brought to you by being Space with Catherine Llewellyn.

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Truth and Transcendence, episode 168, with special guest Marcus Aurelius Higgs.

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Now, if you haven't come across Marcus, he's an inspirational poet and a communication coach to parents of pre-teens through the inspired and skillful use of words.

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And Marcus has a very special connection with our theme today, which is the beauty of being who we are, which I have no idea exactly where we're going to go with this theme.

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The thought of it is just so lovely to me because why not celebrate ourselves?

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And I invited Marcus because of his wonderful energy, and he has, to me, a touching perspective on the crucial role that parenting plays in our collective evolving.

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How many times have you said or heard someone say I blame the parents?

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So Marcus is here to help make sure no one has to say that, especially now in our volatile, exciting and challenging world.

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So, marcus, thank you so much for coming on the show.

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It's wonderful to be here, Catherine.

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Yes, there's no shaming, no blaming, no complaining about parents here, and you know it's interesting, it's the beauty of being who you are.

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And one thing you didn't tell the listeners is that today is a special day.

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Oh yeah, Well, I'm just shy.

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Okay, you tell them then.

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Happy birthday, Catherine, as this is your special day and there's no greater privilege than to be who you are.

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You've been a light in our few meetings We've had one or two meetings before this and thank you for what you do, where you are lighting up your little corner there and with this podcast.

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Thank you.

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Thank you so much.

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I will receive that as my first birthday present.

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Thank you very much, Marcus.

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Pre-recorded birthday present.

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Yeah, but you know we can live in multiple timelines simultaneously, because that's just how cool we are.

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So this idea of the beauty of being who we are, Marcus, can you remember your earliest memory of sort of engaging with that idea, of that becoming present for you?

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with that idea of that becoming present for you.

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Wow, I love that.

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When you asked me could you remember your first memory of?

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And then when you said of that I remember when I denied, the first memory of, when I denied who I was, wow, and I can share that with you.

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That's not what you asked for.

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No, no, do share that, because if whatever comes up is what you asked for.

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No, no, do share that, because whatever comes up is what should be shared.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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No, I feel you.

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I was in Alabama and I was taking the test for the GATE program, gifted and Talented Education, and it was to go into a higher level, a different stream of students, because they would take off the gifted children and you had to be recommended to the program and then you would take a test.

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Wow.

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And I remember taking the test and I was asked where does paper come from?

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And I said from the store.

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And also, where does milk come from?

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And I said from the store.

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And also, where does milk come from?

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And I said from the store.

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And I remember answering the questions less than my ability because I didn't want to go up, so I was purposely getting them wrong.

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Why didn't you want to go out?

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Why didn't you want to go out?

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I think.

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I think I didn't, I didn't want more expected of me and it was.

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I remember the moment in my head.

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I'm just like oh, this is a silly question.

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Of course it comes from trees and of course it comes from cows.

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But let me just quote unquote play dumb, you know.

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Let me just stay in the background so that I don't have to live into more of what's asked of me.

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And that's interesting.

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I've, I've, I've seen elements of that throughout my life.

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Yeah.

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And I've actually felt that myself on occasion where I've just gone.

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Now, you know, just just ease back a little bit right now, don't even put yourself out there, and I've seen other people do.

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And you asked why, which is an interesting question, and I'm thinking in my head.

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Well, they don't need to know Like I know I'm I say worthy of it, I know that I'm capable of it, but they don't know.

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But if I know, is that enough?

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And then, am I limiting myself, am I capping myself?

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How old were you at that point?

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Well, it was before I was seven, because I moved to California when I was seven, so I must have been about five or six.

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Well, great to notice something like that at that age Fantastic.

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Oh man, For those who are listening, I have an afro, which you mentioned when we first met, and I am a little bit older in age, so I have my salt and pepper here.

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But with time I realized, yeah, you can't live in the opinions of others and there's no greater beauty than to be beautiful.

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So how did that different insight emerge?

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Can you remember that?

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Can you remember kind of when that became more present for you and and you felt more ownership of that?

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well, I'm a third culture kid what does that mean?

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No, I don't know what that means yeah, it's my mother's from the bahamas, from the philippines, my father's from the Philippines, my father's from the Bahamas and I grew up in California, and how it's described sometimes is where your culture, where you grew up, doesn't necessarily match your passport or the culture you identify with.

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This sounds to me like some music playing in the background.

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It's a little bit distracting.

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Yes, it is.

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Yes, it is.

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Yes, it is my father's phone.

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Thank you, I didn't know you could hear that.

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Thank you, thank you.

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Yes so you're explaining the third.

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What do you call it?

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Third culture Third culture kid.

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Oftentimes it's from a multicultural family or a family where kids go to Third culture and that they lean into their identity or they're not sure of who they are.

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I see yeah.

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So while growing up in Alabama, we would go to Filipino events wearing our barongs and doing Filipino traditional dances.

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But you know, I'm here, a guy with an Afro doesn't look like traditional Filipino.

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Growing up in America, I'm Caribbean American, but then I look black American.

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So I I'm with that.

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And then when I come to the Bahamas, I have a funny accent I'm wearing glasses.

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So elements throughout my life it's always been your other, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I had to learn very quickly to get in where I fit in and also understand who I.

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Yes, speaking to another podcaster, he's like you know, it's so interesting you're able to have these difficult or tough conversations, as we were talking about just diversity and culture and so on, and I thought, you know I'm comfortable having these conversations because I had to have these conversations at a young age even if I didn't want to.

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Yeah, so yeah, that's where it was.

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At an early age I learned yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I, I, I didn't have that thing, but I did.

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I did have a different thing, where I was part of the two different cultures at the same time and it was very, very challenging and difficult and there was that temptation to try to make one of them right and the other one wrong, and it wasn't until I realized that you had to make them both right that I was able to actually move forward.

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Could you tell me about it?

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Yes, one culture was middle-class, white, southern counties, english okay, yes and the other was very alternative, bohemian natural health, um non-conformist.

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so it was like a philosophical difference and it's like the two sides just didn't get the other side at all, but I was both.

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You have to exist within the culture, don't you?

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You have to exist with all the other human beings around you.

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You can't just going to say I'm only ever going to talk to people who are just like me.

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Yeah yeah, yeah, that's exactly what it is.

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You learn to resolve it here, or it creates conflict and it constantly pulls you.

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You remember?

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George Orwell's short story Shooting an Elephant.

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No, I don't remember that one.

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Okay, so he was born, I believe, in Burma, but then it was when the British colonies were in India or something or somewhere over there and he didn't like the military yet he was seen as the oppressor.

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So yeah, you were talking about George Orwell's.

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He was in Burma and he was seen as the oppressor.

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So yeah, you were talking about george orwell's.

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He was in burma and he was seen as part of the oppressors yes, and then there was this wild or mad elephant and, um, it was terrorizing the people there and the people came to him saying, hey, you have a gun.

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Will you shoot this elephant for us?

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He felt oppressed by the government, the people felt oppressed by him and then now he had to go handle this elephant, who was also seen as a sacred um symbol inside this community, but it was his job to shut it, shoot it down, because it was in, it was in musk or like it was a bull, it was in heat or something like that.

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And it's just all this conflict of culture is people like us do things like this and it's collective identity and there's just all this tension of identity and like, what does he eventually do?

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That's, that was the whole conflict of it.

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Yeah, and the reason I'm bringing it up is because you know, when you're growing up in different cultures and when you're growing up in different expectations of other people, you make the best decision you can.

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Yeah, and there's no greater privilege than to be who you are.

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There's a beauty of being who you are because you'll make that.

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You'll make that choice and then you'll learn and you'll grow on from there.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful.

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And, of course, orwell was so good at what I think, people.

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I heard someone the other day using a word which was culture scape.

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Okay he's.

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I thought, hey, good word.

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Um, you know, he's very good at painting those culturescapes, isn't he?

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And within which you can imagine being in that place and how you're challenged by it and what you're going to have to confront in yourself in order to survive or to flourish in that culturescape.

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So, yeah, he was a student of being human, and that's what the humanities are.

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They're teaching us how to be human, and you can only see other people's humanity if you can truly see your own.

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Yeah, yeah and accept your own, which is the beauty of being who you are.

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So that's really interesting, that background thing.

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And this third culture thing is something I've never heard of before, so that's really interesting to me.

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And how is that sort of woven into this whole relationship with the beauty of being who you are?

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for you sure, um, so I hold two truths at the same time.

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One is I, I am differentiated from you.

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But then it's also the other I'm gonna say we thought of.

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I am you experiencing life from a different perspective?

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And if I were born into your context that is, your location, your time I would have made all the same decisions you did.

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That's what that's.

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You say hope, not.

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Well, that's the thing, though.

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Like, like you made it, I believe there's a fullness to you, right, yeah, and that's why there's no judgment in my, in my.

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So I lead with curiosity and having conversations with you, understanding that, um, yeah, why did you make that decision?

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Yeah, why did you do that?

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So then when I say there's no greater well, well, the beauty of being who you are is, then I'm intrigued, and then there's curiosity there, and then it's just life learning about itself yeah yeah, now I say beauty in it.

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There's some people who do things that are.

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But what is beauty?

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I have an idea, I have a meaning for the word beauty.

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Let me ask you how would you describe beauty?

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Someone else asked me that and I can't remember what I said.

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So to me, actually, it's something around appreciation of the divine, witnessing the divine in something like a beautiful piece of music or landscape, whatever it is.

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There's something that's shining out through it that strikes me and that I resonate with, and to me that's the beauty.

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And that's distinct from where you might look at something and say, well, that's well put together, or that's stylish, or that's distinct from where you might look at something and say, well, that's well put together, or that's stylish, or that's pretty, or that's clever.

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That doesn't have that same quality to it.

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I love that you said that.

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So two things come to mind.

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For me is awesomeness?

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We lose a sense of awe as we grow older.

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The world doesn't change, it's just our relationship to it.

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You know, kids are always like, oh, that's awesome, or they're soaking it all in, and then as we grow older, we're just like, oh no, that's commonplace, or I've seen that before, or we have an expectation on it.

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Yeah.

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The second thing that came to mind is there's this line I say it says true beauty doesn't ask for attention.

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True confidence doesn't seek validation.

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So if we say true beauty doesn't ask for attention, it's like what you said something is well put together or in order, or it's arranged in such a way that it pulls your attention and your attention settles with it, because it's pleasing or it gives you some well-being, or it's something worth giving your attention to, which is the most valuable thing you have.

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Now let's come back to our topic for today.

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Okay, what is it the beauty of being who you are?

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That means you're worthy of your own attention.

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I'm always out there seeking stuff and we're saying I'll be validated when this happens, or I'm not enough in this, or I'll fill myself up with this, and it's like no, no, no.

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The beauty of being who you are, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, bring your attention right back.

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So worthy of of your own attention.

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Worthy of your own attention, that's.

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I like that.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Beautiful.

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Too often times, man, yeah, too often times we're looking outside of ourselves for for the fullness.

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When the fullness is with us or it's, we are the universe experiencing itself.

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So yeah, it's in both places fantastic and did.

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Did you have any kind of, um, spiritual training or particular, uh, teachers you followed or anything like that?

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That sort of contributed to you to be, to being really as connected as you are with, with this particular way of seeing things?

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I, I laughed because right when you said that, I thought life right, yeah, yeah yeah, it's life.

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Okay, it's that little thing, right.

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But yeah, um, I, I grew up.

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I grew up as a christian and sincerely Adventist.

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If you're familiar, seventh-day Adventist.

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I've heard of them.

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Yeah, In fact, years and years ago, I had my hair in braids for a period of time and I had to go along to this place to have it redone.

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And it was all these Ghanaian women women.

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I remember sitting there and I don't know if you've ever had really long braids, but you've got four women standing around you in a circle and they each got hold of a braid and they're pulling on your head really tight in order to do the braid and they're trying to persuade me why I should be a Seventh-day Adventist.

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This was to me a terrifying experience, because you do not want to enjoy these women right now, but I did not look any deeper than that it was a memorable experience because I'm very respectful right, but no, I don't know anything about it you know what?

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well, hold on.

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Before we leave off of this, I have to share this story.

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I was in saudi arabia getting my my beard shaped up and the guy asked me he's from turkey and he said yeah, yeah, so where are you from?

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And I said, um, I have two passwords, sometimes america, sometimes bahamas.

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He said america, he was joking and this is what he said.

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He said so that means I can cut your throat right now and nobody will know what?

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I'm sorry, I don't get the logic of that at all he was.

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He was in the barber shop with his friends and they did not like americans.

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All right.

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So when I said I'm american, he said, oh, so, because he had a blade right here to my throat, right shaking my beard, and said so I could cut your throat right now and nobody would know.

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I said, well, today I'm bahamian, so so no, good response, very, very cool oh man, we were all laughing.

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But I look back at it because I told my friend that and he's just like, no, there are some crazy people like that.

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And I thought about it.

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I was like, yeah, in America there are people like that who would do that.

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Yeah, Anyhow.

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Anyway, Seventh-day Adventism which I find hard to say quickly, so that was how you were brought up was it.

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Yeah, yes, you were brought up, was it?

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Or, yeah, yes and um.

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And when I say sincerely, like I had a prayer life growing up, um, it was never a burden for me and I wasn't the type of person to proselytize and push it on other people, but I had an understanding of, of the divine.

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I say now greater power, higher forces.

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Um, I served as a missionary, my mother was a missionary, a medical missionary, so on, right and um.

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When I went out to korea now that's where I taught as an english teacher of bible classes, I say my understanding expanded and that's why I have nothing against the church or any other spiritual belief.

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But as I start to understand and have conversations and an awareness of other approaches to life, um, that colored my understanding of life.

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Yeah, yeah, so I, I would, I would oftentimes sit down.

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Yeah, yeah, I don't think one particular organized religion has the understanding of it all.

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No.

00:21:33.390 --> 00:21:46.059
But I believe there is something greater than us and I love to be with sincere people who, if you believe something, tell me why you believe it.

00:21:46.059 --> 00:21:46.606
I'm here for your understanding, tell me why you believe it.

00:21:46.606 --> 00:21:50.028
I'm here for your understanding.

00:21:50.028 --> 00:22:03.652
And as long as you're in line with well-being, with life, life supports those who support life, I think they're principles of well-being.

00:22:03.652 --> 00:22:07.199
Yeah, that's what I follow Nowadays Rupert Spear, if you're familiar with him.

00:22:07.199 --> 00:22:11.513
With who Rupert Spear No're familiar with him?

00:22:11.534 --> 00:22:11.693
With who?

00:22:11.713 --> 00:22:12.076
Rupert Spira?

00:22:12.076 --> 00:22:17.222
No, don't know, he's British.

00:22:17.525 --> 00:22:19.767
And he speaks of non-dualism, though.

00:22:19.787 --> 00:22:22.107
Yeah, I'm in alignment with that also.

00:22:22.548 --> 00:22:24.829
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.

00:22:24.829 --> 00:22:51.705
Well, I really get a sense from that of you sort of finding, weaving your own way through and inquiring and researching as you go and sort of integrating things and finding your own kind of take on it, which is definitely my, you know.

00:22:51.705 --> 00:22:54.451
Talking to you, my sense of you is that you're sort of very quietly and peacefully sitting there, connected to what you're connected to.

00:22:54.451 --> 00:23:00.267
You don't need people to approve of it, you're just kind of with it and this is the way it is, which I like.

00:23:00.267 --> 00:23:01.710
I think that's great.

00:23:01.710 --> 00:23:08.932
So how on earth did you then transition into becoming a communication coach for parents?

00:23:08.932 --> 00:23:10.076
How did that happen?

00:23:14.913 --> 00:23:22.013
it's because my peace was disquieted by my own father just walked out the out the house.

00:23:22.013 --> 00:23:29.070
I say that tongue-in-cheek um, you know, there's a little bit of truth in every joke and there's a little joke in every truth.

00:23:29.070 --> 00:23:44.970
And I told him the other day, like you can't change your past, but you can change how you look at it, yeah, yeah, and I think I am very analytical, very.

00:23:44.970 --> 00:23:52.237
I think I am the way I am based on my upbringing with him, because he divorced when I was 12.

00:23:52.237 --> 00:23:57.241
We came to the Bahamas and he's trying to pursue his career, his professional development and so on.

00:23:57.241 --> 00:24:03.627
I grew up with family, like my aunts and uncles and so on.

00:24:03.627 --> 00:24:04.888
He's a person who needs to.

00:24:04.888 --> 00:24:06.151
He doesn't need to do anything.

00:24:06.151 --> 00:24:07.311
He's a person who needs to.

00:24:07.311 --> 00:24:08.913
He doesn't need to do anything.

00:24:08.913 --> 00:24:13.458
He's a person who has his own challenges.

00:24:13.458 --> 00:24:16.401
We all live in the biggest room, the room for improvement.

00:24:16.401 --> 00:24:21.407
I think he's the reason why I am very patient.

00:24:21.407 --> 00:24:25.656
Of course, that wisdom didn't come till I was older to reflect on it.

00:24:26.057 --> 00:24:34.846
Yeah, and you know what I say that with the understanding I know where it comes from.

00:24:34.846 --> 00:24:49.576
So sometimes you see stuff it's just like you can be frustrated at it, but once you get to again lead with curiosity to understand where it comes from, you're more gracious towards it.

00:24:49.576 --> 00:25:02.749
And now I have the the communication skills of when I can set up boundaries to it or when I can redirect it or when I can help serve him in what he needs.

00:25:02.749 --> 00:25:05.270
But he doesn't know he needs it or he hasn't communicated.

00:25:05.290 --> 00:25:08.714
Communicated it right?

00:25:08.714 --> 00:25:09.055
Yeah, okay.

00:25:09.055 --> 00:25:25.488
So so you were responding to, um, something about your own life where you, where you felt there was something you wanted to understand more deeply, so that, so that you could actually navigate better, is, is that a pretty much?

00:25:25.528 --> 00:25:31.778
yes and yes and because, uh, as we before, I used to be a teacher or an educator inside the classroom.

00:25:31.778 --> 00:25:33.949
Yeah, so I worked at grade 12.

00:25:33.949 --> 00:25:42.416
I worked with grade nine, I worked with fifth graders and while I was having those parent teacher meetings, again with kids who are going to international schools.

00:25:42.416 --> 00:25:50.432
So they have a multiplicity of backgrounds, multicultural background, yeah, um, I saw a lot of the same conversations.

00:25:50.432 --> 00:25:54.275
So what is the way that I'm uniquely positioned to serve the world?

00:25:54.275 --> 00:25:56.521
I love communication.

00:25:56.521 --> 00:26:05.342
I study journalism, right, um, I love people, and children really are just small people.

00:26:05.342 --> 00:26:11.226
It's all the same principles of human development and what's the biggest effect on that?

00:26:11.226 --> 00:26:19.126
It's parents, but it's at this formative age, during adolescence, before social media gets their hooks in them.

00:26:19.126 --> 00:26:27.335
I'm just understanding how and why to communicate with these, with this particular group, to bring forth their greatness.

00:26:27.335 --> 00:26:31.709
Yeah, so that's that's why I chose specifically what I do right.

00:26:32.550 --> 00:26:46.411
So it sounds like you had a whole number of different strands of your own learning and evolving that you kind of pulled together into this um, but also with your creative outlet of being an inspirational poet as well.

00:26:46.411 --> 00:26:50.078
Um, I noticed you've got your book back there, words of Wellbeing.

00:26:50.078 --> 00:26:55.192
If you give me the link for that, I'll put it in the show notes.

00:26:55.192 --> 00:27:00.115
Words of Wellbeing I mean, who doesn't want that, a copy of a book called Words of Wellbeing?

00:27:00.184 --> 00:27:02.675
Inspire life through words of well-being.

00:27:02.964 --> 00:27:05.433
Beautiful, inspire life through words of well-being.

00:27:05.433 --> 00:27:07.769
I mean, who doesn't want that for Christmas?

00:27:08.332 --> 00:27:15.576
Seriously, If I may, I'll read something really quick, only 15 seconds.

00:27:15.576 --> 00:27:17.746
I'd love you to Sure.

00:27:17.746 --> 00:27:21.676
Sure it's called Divinity is in Our Greetings.

00:27:21.676 --> 00:27:27.932
What's in the meaning of our greetings between our comings and leavings?

00:27:27.932 --> 00:27:37.373
Is it the divine in me recognizing itself in you, or is, it more true, the divine in you seeing itself in me?

00:27:37.373 --> 00:27:49.088
Whichever truth you choose of the two meanings, divine is always, ever present, self-awareness residing in the flowing fullness of both our beings.

00:27:52.666 --> 00:27:57.179
Oh, gorgeous thank you.

00:27:58.541 --> 00:28:06.704
So you know, like when you say namaste, that means the divine in me greeting you, or when you say adios with god, when you say good morning, it actually comes from god morning.

00:28:06.704 --> 00:28:11.709
It's just it's found in all these greetings from around the world, but it's.

00:28:11.709 --> 00:28:16.861
It's yeah, the divine in me recognizing itself in you, or is it more true, the divine in you recognizing itself in me?

00:28:17.300 --> 00:28:27.827
yeah, and the answer is yes yeah, go ahead and write your phd on that well, I'll do a podcast on it first.

00:28:28.048 --> 00:28:29.551
I'll do a podcast on it first.

00:28:29.612 --> 00:28:32.980
You know I meant that just throw that out to the world, not you in particular.

00:28:32.980 --> 00:28:35.865
Um, I love it.

00:28:35.865 --> 00:28:40.849
So you've got this great relationship with words, obviously, obviously.

00:28:40.849 --> 00:28:45.430
Did that come through training in journalism, or is that something that has always evolved for you?

00:28:46.095 --> 00:28:47.557
No, it was before journalism.

00:28:47.557 --> 00:28:53.689
I used to write when I was a teenager, and you know what's funny.

00:28:53.689 --> 00:28:57.679
So in fifth grade and sixth grade I remember Miss Dutcher.

00:28:57.679 --> 00:29:26.259
She gave me my first and only F I ever received in my whole life and it was in writing and the thing was like words, they, they would look mixed up on the page for me and I think I had undiagnosed dyslexia because she said, marcus, you have such beautiful thoughts and ideas, but I can't give you a grade for something for work that you didn't turn in.

00:29:26.259 --> 00:29:32.942
And I wouldn't turn in my work because I knew I had all those errors in it.

00:29:32.942 --> 00:29:51.873
When I was about 15, there was this documentary on HBO called slam across America and they were on stage doing performance, poetry, slam poetry, and I remember getting this very, very clear feeling.

00:29:53.295 --> 00:29:53.736
I want to do that.

00:29:54.778 --> 00:29:57.346
And that same night I sat down and I wrote a poem.

00:29:57.346 --> 00:30:03.164
I remember those poems.

00:30:03.164 --> 00:30:03.747
Here's one of them.

00:30:03.747 --> 00:30:05.698
Actually, it's very quick, it's very quick.

00:30:05.698 --> 00:30:09.586
It's, um, it says where's god?

00:30:09.586 --> 00:30:20.067
It says hell is not the depths of the bottomless pit of where demons slipped and fell, and no, hell is not the place where misplaced souls are held.

00:30:20.067 --> 00:30:22.230
Misplaced souls means lost souls.

00:30:22.230 --> 00:30:23.817
It says hell.

00:30:23.817 --> 00:30:25.000
It said.

00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:33.284
It said let's think, um, there is no color black, there is only the dark, which mark which makes me start to think is hell in my heart?

00:30:33.284 --> 00:30:40.428
There is no coal, there is only the absence of heat which makes me think is hell in my soul?

00:30:40.428 --> 00:30:48.597
Because hell is not the depths of some bottomless pit of where a demon slipped and fell, and no, hell is not the place where misplaced souls are held.

00:30:48.597 --> 00:30:50.381
You see, hell is the place.

00:30:50.381 --> 00:30:59.663
Well, it's any place where god does not dwell nice yeah, um.

00:31:01.247 --> 00:31:02.429
So since 15 I've been writing.

00:31:02.930 --> 00:31:06.980
That's what it was and when I think when did you start speaking your poetry out?

00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:17.965
when did you start, you know, reciting or reading your poetry to other people right way right you know, because there was this venue here I would go to and I would recite it there.

00:31:17.965 --> 00:31:25.140
Um, this was about maybe 10th or 11th grade and I was.

00:31:25.140 --> 00:31:39.448
I was like this young kid amongst all these other older guys, but I would speak it out, we would talk out the poems, yeah, and and I think it was a way for me to process the stress.

00:31:39.448 --> 00:31:44.326
That's what coping is and I think that was given to me at a young age how to process.

00:31:44.326 --> 00:31:52.102
So I would have conversations with myself, I would have conversations with the divine, and then I would process all my thoughts through words, through poetry.

00:31:53.183 --> 00:32:03.215
Great, wonderful, yeah, yeah.

00:32:03.215 --> 00:32:03.576
So how does this?

00:32:03.576 --> 00:32:11.679
How do you now you know, when you're working with your, with parents and you're helping them with pre-teens, um, would you like to share with us a little bit about how you come at that work?

00:32:12.058 --> 00:32:23.047
you know how do you kind of approach it sure, um, I approach it with in, in a very simple sense, narrative theory.

00:32:23.047 --> 00:32:34.101
So, having traveled around the world and I taught stories or storytelling around the world, it's very for me.

00:32:34.101 --> 00:32:34.903
That's how I look at life.

00:32:34.903 --> 00:32:45.366
There's a character, a protagonist, protagonist that has a desire, and there's something challenging them, stopping them from getting that desire.

00:32:45.366 --> 00:32:59.967
All right, um then, man, so many ways to come at this, but I I help the parent, as an audience member, see what this character wants.

00:32:59.967 --> 00:33:01.250
Why do they want it?

00:33:01.692 --> 00:33:07.817
and this character doesn't even know about itself yet this character is coming into an understanding of what these desires are.

00:33:07.817 --> 00:33:13.548
But if you study human development enough, you start to see patterns.

00:33:13.548 --> 00:33:17.185
Yeah, it's like, oh yeah, this happens at this stage, where this happens at this time.

00:33:17.185 --> 00:33:26.468
Yeah, then you look at the what's happening in the environment that's changing the outward conflict, and then, um, how does that look?

00:33:26.468 --> 00:33:33.464
Well, when you think about it, a lot of our stressors come from miscommunication or misunderstanding.

00:33:33.464 --> 00:33:48.410
Yeah, so if we get to understand why each character has those desires and what are their motives, we can then start to become the author of those stories or directing them more so.

00:33:49.836 --> 00:33:55.747
And one communication teacher told me she said you know, the quality of our life is directly related to the quality of our communication.

00:33:55.747 --> 00:34:09.088
Yeah, communication, yeah, um, if you understand, there's noise, and then you're, you're looking to refine that, to say, okay, where's what am I not understanding?

00:34:09.088 --> 00:34:11.315
Or what are we, what are we working towards?

00:34:11.315 --> 00:34:12.438
What is the purpose of this?

00:34:12.438 --> 00:34:16.088
It has critical thinking and communication in there.

00:34:16.088 --> 00:34:31.106
Yeah and um, then my job is to help parents, or give them perspective in a very simple sense, give them perspective to help them communicate better in their relationship yeah, and does that also help them understand their children better?

00:34:33.780 --> 00:34:36.925
more, so it helps them understand themselves better, right?

00:34:37.327 --> 00:34:53.155
I think that's what children are for I see what you mean, okay, so when they, when they're looking at the story, they're understanding the protagonist in the story and through that they're understanding themselves better, which then helps them communicate better with their children?

00:34:53.155 --> 00:34:57.121
Well, not quite.

00:35:02.728 --> 00:35:06.675
I'll say it like this Okay, what is the reason?

00:35:06.675 --> 00:35:07.657
We read stories?

00:35:07.657 --> 00:35:07.817
Anyhow?

00:35:07.817 --> 00:35:11.340
Right, we read stories to learn about what it means to be human.

00:35:11.340 --> 00:35:19.688
Yes, and when you're reading a story, the story really opens up when it's relevant, and you ask yourself how am I like that?

00:35:19.688 --> 00:35:21.710
What can I take away from this?

00:35:24.682 --> 00:35:24.923
Yeah, right.

00:35:27.246 --> 00:35:28.715
Yes, yeah so.

00:35:30.802 --> 00:35:31.945
So how does that, Again it's.

00:35:31.945 --> 00:35:38.650
How does that feed then into how they are then communicating with their children?

00:35:40.014 --> 00:35:40.356
Sure, yeah, yeah.

00:35:40.356 --> 00:35:40.878
So.

00:35:40.878 --> 00:35:43.639
So, as we said, um, it helps them understand themselves better.

00:35:43.639 --> 00:35:45.485
Because that's the work I do.

00:35:45.485 --> 00:35:54.467
Do I help the parent put on their oxygen mask first, so that they're regulated, so that they understand what to expect of this person who's not regulated.

00:35:54.467 --> 00:35:59.302
Not regulated, let's say ups and up and down, fluctuating, figuring out, going through their transition.

00:35:59.302 --> 00:36:00.365
They're pre regulated, let's say ups and down, fluctuating, figuring out going through their transition.

00:36:00.585 --> 00:36:01.849
They're pre-regulated.

00:36:04.396 --> 00:36:07.300
Pre-regulated.

00:36:07.300 --> 00:36:08.001
You know what it is.

00:36:08.001 --> 00:36:11.989
When you think regulated, it means with rules, having some consistency.

00:36:11.989 --> 00:36:17.465
Yeah, whenever we're going through transitions, it's when we're thrown off.

00:36:17.465 --> 00:36:27.105
Through transitions, it's when we're thrown off and what society does is they're those who are thrown off, and they're people who are more firm.

00:36:27.105 --> 00:36:39.541
Yeah, and that tension arises when those who are more firm are trying to create firmness in these people and the other ones yes and this is, this is this is how development happens, how growth happens.

00:36:41.443 --> 00:36:59.766
Okay okay, okay right, so by them becoming more regulated, it's easier for them to understand the child who is less regulated and easier for them to help the child become more regulated.

00:36:59.786 --> 00:37:02.635
Well, they have more influence over their child than I do?

00:37:02.635 --> 00:37:06.440
Yeah, well, they have more influence over their child than I do.

00:37:06.440 --> 00:37:16.324
Yeah, um, and, and you know what, in, in what I do, I encourage them to create a pot of parents, because we were meant to parent in community yes and like what is?

00:37:16.324 --> 00:37:18.186
What is the role of a parent?

00:37:22.954 --> 00:37:24.717
The etymology of parent means to bring forth Right.

00:37:25.637 --> 00:37:29.260
So we're trying to create the environment so that this child can express themselves.

00:37:29.260 --> 00:37:41.311
And as they're expressing themselves and as they're experiencing the world, we're having conversations with them to help it make sense to them, for them to understand what it is Now.

00:37:41.311 --> 00:37:49.918
Mind you, this is the first transition of life, the big transition of life.

00:37:49.938 --> 00:38:11.865
So if you could do it at this stage, it sets the tone for the rest of life, absolutely, and also presumably then creates a much more fertile relationship, because I think anyone, people who have a really strong relationship with their parent or parents that's an extraordinary asset throughout life, isn't it?

00:38:11.865 --> 00:38:16.539
It's a remarkable thing to have there.

00:38:16.539 --> 00:38:24.003
I remember when my father passed away, I was in my 30s or something and I didn't talk to him all that often or see him all that often.

00:38:24.003 --> 00:38:25.606
I was off living my life.

00:38:25.606 --> 00:38:39.269
But I definitely noticed that then, apart from the grieving, aside from the grieving, there was that sense of there's a particular relationship or connection or resource.

00:38:39.269 --> 00:38:52.702
Relationship or connection or resource, if you like, that I don't have any, at least corporeally, you know it's, at least in terms of you can actually go and sit in the room together, um it, and that it was noticeable.

00:38:52.702 --> 00:38:57.467
You know, just just knowing he was there really made a difference.

00:38:57.467 --> 00:39:00.190
Yeah.

00:39:01.815 --> 00:39:02.697
Thank you for sharing that.

00:39:02.697 --> 00:39:12.019
Yeah, let me explain to you like a sensation I had when my mother passed and let me see if it resonates with you.

00:39:12.019 --> 00:39:36.806
But, like what you're saying is, there was one person who knew your story just a little bit less than you did, or even knew you before you knew yourself, and there was a chapter of which you could compare it to and you have old past stories and interweavings and then a moment, it's just that part of the story is gone.

00:39:36.806 --> 00:39:39.481
Now you can't go back and refer back to it.

00:39:39.802 --> 00:39:40.324
That's right.

00:39:40.324 --> 00:39:49.356
Yeah, and also that, and that energy of support and encouragement which, in a way, only a parent can provide.

00:39:49.356 --> 00:39:54.106
There's a certain thing that only a parent can provide, or a parental figure.

00:39:54.106 --> 00:39:57.443
I think parental figures also do that, don't they?

00:39:57.443 --> 00:40:13.000
Um, I'm just reminded of a conversation I had with somebody once who was saying he was early 31 years old I think at the time and he was just about to get married, and I said how about children?

00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:23.581
And he said well, I just need to finish off what I need to do in my life and learning about developing, learning about, you know, developing myself, et cetera, before I have children.

00:40:23.581 --> 00:40:28.543
And I said, well, a, that could make you the most boring parent in the world.

00:40:28.543 --> 00:40:35.085
B, you're going to do a lot of learning after you've had the children.

00:40:36.108 --> 00:40:36.387
Yes.

00:40:36.735 --> 00:40:39.164
And they need you to be doing that right.

00:40:39.525 --> 00:40:42.916
Yeah, that's what it is.

00:40:42.916 --> 00:40:43.619
They accelerated, they're gone.

00:40:43.639 --> 00:40:48.018
Yeah, he had this idea that you'd have the children after you've got everything else sorted out.

00:40:48.018 --> 00:40:56.809
You know everything, so you don't have to change anymore, you don't have to grow anymore, you know there's plenty of money for everything, etc.

00:40:56.809 --> 00:40:56.949
You.

00:40:56.949 --> 00:41:05.045
But you can virtually retire, you know, and then just sit there with your children and they're like do you not have a life?

00:41:05.045 --> 00:41:09.655
And I responded to him and he said you know, I've never looked at it that way, catherine.

00:41:09.655 --> 00:41:12.561
I think I might have a conversation with my wife tonight and rethink this.

00:41:15.467 --> 00:41:19.436
Oh man, anything about children.

00:41:19.436 --> 00:41:21.621

Ep 168: Marcus Aurelius Higgs ~ Self-Love, Spirituality & Transformative Storytelling

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