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Truth and Transcendence, brought to you by being Space with Catherine Llewellyn.
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Truth and Transcendence, episode 146, with special guest Lenita Mitchell-Blackwell.
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Now you may already know Lenita, but if not, she's an intuitive business coach, which I love the way that sounds.
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Lenita has built an award-winning law firm and publishing house.
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She's a number one best-selling author, a CPA and ordained New Thought Minister, which I will ask her what that is during the conversation.
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She's recognized nationally as an outstanding community leader.
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Frankly, I think we need all of those that we can get.
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Based on her latest book, lenita loves sharing the formula to the ultimate successful life with peace, joy and fulfillment, which is great.
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Now I particularly tuned into something about Lenita, which is she's got a really amazing understanding of the crucial distinction between what we think ought to be fulfilling for us and what actually is or could be.
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And I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm surrounded by people and media encouraging us to want this or that, whether they're trying to sell stuff or people are saying this is what made me happy, therefore you must do it.
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But do we stop and ask ourselves what is it that is actually fulfilling for us?
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And so Lenita has looked into this deeply.
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So we're going to be talking today about fulfillment.
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So, lenita, thank you so much for finding the time to come on the show.
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Katherine, thank you so much for having me.
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Excellent.
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So I'm going to jump right in with my favorite first question, which is if you think back, can you remember the moment when you first realized that your fulfillment was, first of all, very important and, second of all, something that was unique and personal to you?
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Can you remember when that really kind of registered for you as something very important?
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Yes, I remember the exact moment.
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Actually, at the time it was horrifying and painful, but I understand and realize the blessing of it.
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I was doing all the things I ever wanted to do, had my fingers in all the pies law firm, accounting firm, media company, books, speaking and I was so exhausted one day that my then six-year-old daughter found me passed out in the middle of the floor and I was too tired to get up and she thought I was just sleeping.
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So she, she took me in, she got her blanket from her bed and put it over my body and she got her pillow and put it under my head, kissed me on the forehead and said goodnight mama.
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And the only thing I had strength to do was to say goodnight baby.
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Strength to do was to say goodnight baby.
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I realized at that moment that if I continued on like that, that I was not going to be able to see my child graduate from high school, and it forced a reckoning of what is truly important in my life, what actually fulfills me, my life.
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What actually fulfills me and what I came to is that family and friends are the reason that I really do the things that I do.
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We work because we want to enjoy life.
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That's why I work, and I had hijacked my sense of self-worth and self-esteem and replaced it with this idea of what the world said.
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Success looks like this fairy tale of happily ever after that, honest to God, never comes.
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So while that was terrible on so many levels, I see the wonderful result of what that was, and because it was so stark, catherine, I know that I will never go back to that.
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I understand, yeah, I mean, when I heard that story I thought, oh my God, you just cannot ignore that, can you no?
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But I just want to say how sweet of your daughter to just tuck you in and kiss you.
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I mean, you must have been doing something right before that for her to respond in that way, don't you think?
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I think so.
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She and I have a wonderful relationship even now.
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She's a teenager now.
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So this was a few years ago?
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Yes, yes, a few years ago.
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Yeah, you know, we're all.
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You know.
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We all look a lot younger than we are, right?
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I love that?
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Yes, we do.
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Let's just go with that, right?
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So what did you do when you realized this?
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What did you do?
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first.
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So the first thing I had to do was take a moment and take stock and I like to be very transparent when I am talking about my journey, because I find that a lot of people make it seem like it was that moment and then things changed and everything was perfect.
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It was a process.
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Yeah.
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And it took a couple of years before I knew what I had to do next.
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But during that couple of years I went back to what I knew, which was overworking because I didn't know any other way.
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And it wasn't until all of that caught up with me and I had to have a series of progressively horrible surgeries due to stage four endometriosis that I finally reached back into what I know to do, which is to pray, and I asked God for direction and he led me to a performance coach, rowena Silvera Beck, and we worked for a couple of years to scale down my life.
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I had seven pages of activities, roles and responsibilities and we got that down to two.
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But it's not like I just walked away from everything and quit, because these are relationships.
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A lot of the organizations that I was a part of and or leading at the time, a lot of the people there were my friends.
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It was beyond just colleagues and I didn't feel right just toss my hands up and say, oh well, goodbye, um.
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But once we got through that process, catherine, honest to God, I don't know how I was carrying all that yeah um, but I do because it happens to all of us.
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it's not like somebody just takes a book bag, puts it on your back and says go packing, right.
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It's one thing at a time and you're like, well, I'm already doing such and such, so it's just this one little thing, but it's the molehills that make the mountain.
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Absolutely yeah.
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And do you think that you're overworking?
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Do you think that contributed to the endometriosis occurring?
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Oh, absolutely Absolutely.
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The stress of it all, especially when I did some deep digging into the condition.
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For most women endometriosis doesn't bother them 80% they don't even know they have it Right.
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But I was not in that number.
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Not only did I know that I had it, but it had deep reaching consequences to my health and my wellbeing that I won't be dealing with for the rest of my life.
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Right, so you have to do like a whole self-care regimen, because-.
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Oh, absolutely that I continue today.
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I start every day with prayer, meditation, stretching and deep breathing.
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I do not take calls or respond to messages before 7 am to give myself time to reset.
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When I'm talking to people and I'm seeing clients, I take time between them to breathe and expel the exchange of energy that went on between us.
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So I'm not carrying that through the day and these are things that I feel have made me actually a better professional, a better parent, a better life partner to my husband and I would love to say that that was the reason that I did it, but it wasn't.
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It was really to take care of me, and because I took care of me, then I could be better for other people.
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Yeah Well, all those practices you've described sound to me like healthy practices for anyone, but I can also see how they really help keep the stress down.
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Yeah, you know.
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And the fact you say you won't talk to anyone or take messages before 7 am, you know, I thought, my god, you know, even 7 am for a lot of people is early.
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I I've got a friend who won't take anything from anybody before 11 am well, you know, I wish I could, but um A lot of times I have to be in front of someone at eight or nine.
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And so yeah, in my day job, I'm a lawyer.
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You have to show up and you have to be sharp.
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Yes, amazing, what an extraordinary thing.
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And the other thing that struck me when you were talking, you were talking about this business of just keeping adding things on and it gradually gets to the point where you're really carrying an awful lot.
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And you also said about following a path that isn't really fulfilling for you.
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Do you think there's like a direct connection between those two things?
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Oh, absolutely Absolutely those two things.
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Oh, absolutely Absolutely.
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And you know, if we're going to talk about a path, then I'd like to start at the beginning of where most of us begin, and that is with people, whether it's friends, family, community leaders, teachers who love us and want the best for us, and so they teach us what they learned, which is, if you work hard, you will become successful, you will live happily ever after.
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And so it starts off when we start school with stars, and then it's grades, and then it's scholarships, and then it's promotions and raises and benefits and accolades and recognition, right.
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So this never stops.
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It actually progresses and it becomes entrenched and you get to a place where you don't realize that this is how you have defined your life worth.
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Yeah.
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Until it is taken away, or, with me, the thought of not enjoying the things that actually matter are threatened.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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So you had an amazing wake up and I have a friend who says that these wake ups happen when we're ready for and actually they're a sign that we are already transitioning.
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I don't know if you agree with that I do, you know but there are people who just continue to suffer, for their whole lives aren't there, or they have a wake up, but they don't realize it's a wake up necessarily.
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Yes, In New Thought we say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
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And the teacher is not always a person.
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Sometimes it is an experience.
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Yeah, did you say in Lutheran New Thought, in New Thought, yes.
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Would you describe a bit about the New Thought?
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I mean, new Thought is a lovely phrase, whatever it actually means.
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It's really nice.
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So would you say a bit more about that?
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Absolutely, it's really a mindset of how to view your life experiences.
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Many of us, but not all of us, I do use the Bible as a teaching, as the ultimate resource, but we believe that there is the figurative as well as the metaphysical and the literal translation, and so when we're reviewing and sharing the information, it's what it says, absolutely.
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There are the symbols, yes, but then there is how to enact it in your everyday life.
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Oh yeah, I see.
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Yes, that makes perfect sense to me.
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Yeah, although I don't use the Bible in that way I haven't sort of become familiar with it in that way but I do know it's an incredibly potent thing, isn't it?
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That can be used.
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How long have you been using the Bible in that way?
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So let me see Five years.
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I was raised congregational and then AME church, a Methodist church and then, when I started working on myself and I wanted to deepen my relationship with God and also gain an understanding of how other people viewed God, I wanted a program that would study all the religions, because as I began traveling more, I realized how important it is to understand how other people view God and how God operates in their lives, and so the seminary that I went through Kairos, did an excellent job with that.
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The first year you're studying other religions, and so the second year is when you really dig down into the new thought teachings and how to apply them to life and then how to help other people, and I really love the way that we do it, because we don't press upon anybody.
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It's if someone asks, you share your experience, and then if they ask for more, then you can share your techniques and they take them and they have them fit their lives, however.
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That looks and that really appeals to me.
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Beautiful.
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That just reminded me of an experience I had that was the opposite of that, where, when I was much younger, for a while I had my hair in long braids, which you know.
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There were reasons for that, but it meant I had to go to this hairdresser, which was all African women, and so you'd be sitting there in a chair with four or five women around you, all of them pulling on your hair hard to braid it and telling me why I should become a Seventh-day Adventist Interesting and this was why I should become a Seventh-day Adventist Interesting.
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And this was a very scary experience, I can imagine, because I'm totally in their hands.
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You know, I remember thinking this is a unique experience.
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Do I dare actually respond or argue?
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Probably argue, probably not no, you just sit there quietly do as you're told.
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It was actually very funny.
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I told them afterwards what it was like.
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They thought it was hilarious.
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Um, so I love.
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The sound of new thought sounds absolutely amazing, and it sounds like it, if anything, has made it easier for you to actually cross bridges and talk to people about what really matters God, in terms of whatever they feel God is.
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You know that whole relationship, yeah, how did you then start moving in the direction of being an intuitive business coach?
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So that was something that happened naturally I was about to say organically, but it was a step beyond that.
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I believe that that is within all of us.
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Honestly, it is allowing spirit the divine, allowing spirit the divine to operate through you for the good of your client.
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And so when it first started, it was actually through my law practice and I have clients who I've grown with them, I've started one office and now they have multiple locations and all these employees and are doing well Right.
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And so there's this one.
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We've become very good friends and one day I shared with her that her mother was very proud and, um, she said, no, what my mom really say.
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She said know what my mom really say?
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And I went through what she said and the head motions and things, and she said, yeah, that sounds like my mom.
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Now the interesting part of this, catherine, is that her mother at that point had been deceased for six years and I'd only met her mother once, so it's not like I knew her well enough to be able to mimic her facial expressions, her body movements, the tone of her voice or what she would say, and I didn't know that she had been having self-doubt and had been wondering if her mother was proud of her.
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I had no way of knowing that and the fact that this came during one of our meetings and I just shared that just like that.
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And the thing that let me know that it was time for me to start sharing my gift more openly was that she was not surprised, she was not freaked out, she wanted more.
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And that's when I knew that the consciousness of the world is shifting so that people are ready to understand that they are not this flat two-dimensional being or even three-dimensional being that we have been sold.
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We are full-blooded 4D, 5d beings having a human experience.
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Mm-hmm, quite right yeah, so.
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So that's how.
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That's how it started all right, so you understood.
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So you just found yourself responding to something that was kind of coming through you yes, that your client really valued yeah and it wasn't a shock to them, it wasn't um jarring for them.
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It felt natural to them.
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Yes, so how do you describe when you're?
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When you're?
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Do you just allow that to come through in the moment, as and when it does with the clients, or do you ever with with new clients?
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just try and explain this to them in advance so there are a couple of ways that I have learned to do this.
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Since the first time that happened to now, I actually went back and earned my doctorate in spiritual studies, and so I now include that in my bio, even on my professional bio, my law firm website, so people understand when they're dealing with me that they're dealing with a spiritual person, when they're dealing with me, that they're dealing with a spiritual person.
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So if I talk to you this way, it is not shocking.
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So that's the first thing.
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The second thing is sometimes the things that I am sharing.
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I'm honest, I'm just like I feel I have this intuition, that this, this, this intuition, that, and I'll tell them on this.
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Like you know, this is your life.
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I can't make you do anything, but this is what I'm feeling about what we have just discussed, and some people follow it, Some people don't.
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I don't beat up on them at all and it's not like the practice is separate from what I do.
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So I'm a speaker, I'm an author, I'm an attorney, and so those things the intuition, the intuitive part, flows through those avenues.
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It's not separate in a part.
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Now, sometimes, if someone is going through something and they ask me to pray for them and I will go into prayer and I will tap into my ancestors and I'll ask for an answer for them, absolutely Sometimes it comes, sometimes it's not for me to provide and I will tell them that, like I was told that this is something you're supposed to work through yourself, I am here with you.
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We're still colleagues, we're still friends.
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But part of the intuitive process is understanding and respecting each person's journey.
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That the end, the mile marker, was never the reason for us getting up every day.
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It was the time between us waking up and going to bed.
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That's the reason for life.
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Yeah, yeah, you mean, life itself is the reason for life.
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Yes, I like that.
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Life itself is the reason for life.
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I love that, Catherine.
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I promise I will give you credit for that, but that's hey not necessary, I don't know where it came from.
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Not necessary, I don't know where it came from.
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Beautiful, I love that.
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So that means that people, when they're starting to work with you, they've got an inkling that there's another dimension here, but you're not in any way imposing it upon them and you're not chasing after people.
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In that regard, I love it.
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Fantastic, wonderful.
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So when you had your first wake-up experience, when you were really overworked, were you already doing coaching at that point in time?
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coaching.
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At that point in time I was, but it was focused mostly on helping authors to publish their books and then to get speaking engagements.
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So for the most part it was focused right there.
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I understand.
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Okay, yeah, and so clearly, this sort of emergence of the intuitive faculty and the way you're using it now has a direct relationship with you coming out of that very overworked state.
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Yes, absolutely yes, and it's interesting because Like attracts like, and so when I am working with people, they are at the place where they're ready to come out of that, and so I recognize that vibration.
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Right, great Isn't that great People screen themselves.
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Yes, I like that, yes, and they receive what it is that you can offer yes, which is great.
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See what it is that you can offer yes, which is great.
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So would you like to describe kind of an example of a journey that someone might undergo working with you in regard to this whole question of fulfillment?
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Absolutely.
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So I have a client who she won't let me go.
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That's always a good thing, right, and she won't mind that I would use her name, regina, regina Sunshine.
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When I met Regina, she was already doing the most amazing things.
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She's a media personality.
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So I met her when she invited me to be a guest on her radio show and we just clicked.
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And so a few months later I would say maybe two months later she asked me to be her coach.
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And I'm using that kind of loosely because the coach was also a little agent, a little manager, a little legal, and we were able to work together to grow her business.
00:24:51.369 --> 00:25:01.125
And what it came down to was she had all the components and she had the will, because she'd already been doing wonderful things.
00:25:01.125 --> 00:25:09.565
But it was that missing piece, that the valley right that we had to fill in, which was what does Regina want?
00:25:09.565 --> 00:25:15.363
Not the professional part of you, but like, really, what do you want out of life?
00:25:15.363 --> 00:25:49.263
And and what it was is she wanted to spend more time with her parents at that point, were still living with her parents and have the freedom and flexibility to go back and forth from Atlanta to her hometown in South Carolina, and so that's what we worked on, but that required her to be totally and 100% all in on her, and so when there were things that were inconsistent with those goals, they had to go to the wayside.
00:25:49.263 --> 00:26:03.895
And that is hard for high performing individuals, because we all get to a place, catherine, where we realize when something is going to be a mess, right, and we learn how to sidestep that.
00:26:03.895 --> 00:26:22.789
And so we get to a place in our lives where the things that are coming to us are positive, they are fun, the people involved are people we want to meet, but that's not necessarily aligned with the purpose and the vision that we have for our lives and where we're going Right.
00:26:22.789 --> 00:26:40.103
So it was creating a rubric for her, just like I had to create one for me, of how to say yes and how to say no and getting past the fear of if I say no, there'll never be another opportunity like this again.
00:26:40.103 --> 00:26:40.744
Right.
00:26:40.744 --> 00:26:45.981
And once we got past that, that's when the magic started happening.
00:26:47.250 --> 00:26:51.821
She was tapped to be a contributor for Chicken Soup for the Soul.
00:26:51.821 --> 00:26:54.076
She has been a speaker with them.
00:26:54.076 --> 00:26:58.794
She has started her own coaching business, her own publishing house.
00:26:58.794 --> 00:27:06.040
She has started her own coaching business, her own publishing house and she has done the amazing and she floats back and forth between Atlanta and South Carolina as needed.
00:27:06.040 --> 00:27:12.507
She was able to go home and be with her parents when they went on and transition to the other side.
00:27:12.507 --> 00:27:20.705
She has been a resource for her family and she has been able to enjoy her time with her grandson.
00:27:20.705 --> 00:27:27.324
These are things that happen when we stop putting our focus on the external and start focusing within.
00:27:27.990 --> 00:27:36.691
Yeah, and how do you help people to make that transition from focusing externally to focusing within?
00:27:37.353 --> 00:28:02.746
Yeah, it's truly taking a look at your life, just like I had to do with Rowena, my performance coach, and writing out everything you're involved in and being honest and saying is this thing consistent with where I know that I'm being called to go and, if it's not, coming up with the plan and executing on it of how to remove that, how to extricate ourselves?
00:28:02.746 --> 00:28:11.055
Because sometimes it is very pleasant, people understand, they're supportive, they work with you, but sometimes it's not.
00:28:11.596 --> 00:28:11.778
Yeah.
00:28:12.349 --> 00:28:14.137
And we have to be okay with that, right?
00:28:14.809 --> 00:28:20.442
So do you find that people find it relatively straightforward to make that assessment?
00:28:20.442 --> 00:28:30.756
You know, when you're working through that list, do people quite easily recognize whether something's in line with their vision, their calling, or is it sometimes very difficult for them to see that?
00:28:31.298 --> 00:28:32.300
So that's two parts.
00:28:32.300 --> 00:28:33.933
So can they recognize it?
00:28:33.933 --> 00:28:35.701
Do they recognize it Absolutely?
00:28:35.701 --> 00:28:37.996
Are they willing to always let it go?
00:28:38.416 --> 00:28:39.159
No no.
00:28:39.560 --> 00:28:43.484
No, because remember all these things that we have at this point in our lives.
00:28:43.484 --> 00:28:44.526
They're positive.
00:28:46.230 --> 00:28:50.819
Yeah, but the recognizing it bit is the bit that you can't do for them, isn't it?
00:28:50.819 --> 00:28:52.743
That's exactly right.
00:28:52.743 --> 00:29:03.766
If they can't recognize that for themselves, you can't do that for them.
00:29:03.766 --> 00:29:04.977
But if they can recognize it for themselves, then you can help them to actually make a plan to then do something about it.
00:29:04.977 --> 00:29:07.098
Yeah, that's right, perfect.
00:29:07.098 --> 00:29:19.103
I like that distinction that you have in the way that you talk about what you're doing, that distinction between the bit that they have to do for themselves and the bit that you can actually help them with.
00:29:19.103 --> 00:29:25.763
Yeah, and not trying to step over that boundary yeah you know, I think that's very, very important.
00:29:27.152 --> 00:29:27.613
Thank, you?
00:29:28.233 --> 00:29:43.779
yeah, well, um, one of the things that I um keep in mind is that the realization and the execution it really does have to happen for the person.
00:29:43.779 --> 00:29:50.740
That person has to own that, or we're going to find ourselves back at this place in three to five years.
00:29:51.320 --> 00:29:54.826
Yeah, yeah, yes.
00:29:54.826 --> 00:29:56.588
So do you ever?