Ep 145: Embracing the Fear of Failure as a Catalyst for Transformation

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Truth and Transcendence brought to you by being Space with Catherine Llewellyn.

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Truth and Transcendence, episode 145.

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Fear of getting it Wrong.

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The minute.

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I say that I think surely we've talked about this enough.

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We all know that fear gets in the way for us, for all of us some of the time, or some of us all of the time, or however it may be.

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So we think we know all about the fear of getting it wrong and we believe we understand it, we believe that we've got it licked, we believe that we are past being affected by it, or we believe that it's inevitable, that it will be a burden for us and a problem for us, and that that's the way it is.

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But actually I do think it's worth talking about, because I think fear of getting it wrong is much trickier than that.

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It can disguise itself as being sensible, not overextending or even being kind.

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So, in other words, fear of getting it wrong can actually disguise itself with something which has nothing to do with fear and fear.

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I don't know about you, but fear is my least favorite emotion out of all of the emotions that there are, because fear is the one that is most likely to immobilize me, to paralyze me, to make me feel helpless and unable and to make me feel like there's no way out or no way forwards, I feel.

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Out of all the emotions, fear is the one that is most likely to have that effect compared to all of the others.

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Or sometimes, fear of getting it wrong can be so effective at actually stopping us from moving forwards, but it actually prevents us from even noticing the opportunity or the adventure that is beckoning us.

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So we don't even get to experience the fear at all, because it has actually short-circuited our capacity to notice the potential adventure, the exciting opportunity or the useful task that could make a transformative difference in our lives.

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So why would we have that go on and why would we actually invest into having that take place?

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Because this is another thing to consider, which is, if we think about how we are now and compare it to how we were when we were children, our fear of getting it wrong may well be stronger now than it was then, in the sense that our capacity to notice adventure and wonder and opportunity may actually be less than it was when we were much younger, when we were not risk averse, when we were not ruled by fear or affected by fear, when we were in fact reckless, so we had to be supervised and looked after to make sure we didn't actually do something really stupid and harm ourselves.

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So that's the other side of it.

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Of course, we learn as we grow how to manage ourselves, how to manage risk, and part of that is fear.

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Because fear is there for a perfectly good reason it's there to remind us to exercise caution.

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The only thing with it is that fear is very uncomfortable.

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So most of us do not enjoy experiencing fear.

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Some of us have actually transformed our relationship with fear and can now embrace and welcome it and see it as a part of our aliveness, and personally I think that's the optimum way to be.

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However, for most of us, a lot of the time, either we haven't thought of that idea, or we haven't developed that capacity, or we're just too tired.

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We haven't thought of that idea, or we haven't developed that capacity, or we're just too tired.

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We've got too much on our plate.

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We just can't be doing with experiencing and embracing fear on top of all of it.

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So how fear manifests in terms of discomfort is in the body and in the mind.

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So in the body, fear can create all sorts of discomfort, such as tightness of breath, feeling hot, feeling cold, feeling tense, feeling shaky, feeling all kinds of things in the body which are a sign that we're experiencing fear.

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And in the mind, fear can generate worry, getting into a downward loop of anxiety, worry, concern, terror and procrastination can be a result of that as well.

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So we don't like those experiences.

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So, whether we've done this consciously or unconsciously, we've tended to develop strategies to help us feel better.

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So this is not in a situation where the fear of getting it wrong has actually short-circuited us, even realizing there's an opportunity or an adventure there.

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In other words, we're cruising along none the wiser, oblivious, no fear being experienced, because anything that could engender fear in us is literally being hidden away from us by our own defensive strategies that have developed on the subconscious level over the decades.

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But when that hasn't occurred, when we reach the point where actually we are sitting there and we are experiencing the discomfort, we don't like that.

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So, again, the subconscious helps us to create strategies to help us feel better.

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And in order to feel better, we need to feel there's nothing to fear.

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And in order to feel there's nothing to fear, we need to feel that we know everything about what's happening and what's likely to happen.

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In other words, we need to feel in control, or at least that's what that aspect of us believes in the case.

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So some of the strategies and you may recognize some of these for yourself.

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One of them is get all the data Now.

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Not to say that getting all the data is not a very good idea, it's a very good idea.

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However, sometimes we're trying to get all the data in order not to feel the fear and the discomfort, so then we can get a bit mad with getting data and just keep asking questions and keep trying to find out one more bit of data, because surely that last bit of data will take away this horrible, unpleasant feeling of doom, fear, anxiety and worry.

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Or we consult experts, and I think anyone who's ever been in a position of having people consult them will remember times when someone turns up to consult them about something and what's really going on is that person's terrified or anxious or worried, and they just want those feelings to go away.

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So they're hoping that you, as the so-called expert, are going to rescue them from their pain.

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And that makes it very hard on the expert, because you can't rescue somebody from their pain without medication, which is not necessarily the route you want to go.

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So it means that you as the expert can't really be very helpful, because the true motivation for you being consulted is nothing to do with your expertise.

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It's actually to do with somebody's suffering.

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Now, of course, sometimes people recognize that they're suffering from fear and so forth and they will consult somebody to help them with that, in which case it's possible for them to be helped because the request is congruent with the actual situation and the actual requirement.

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But again, I've been in a position where I've consulted somebody to help me with something when what was really going on was that I was terrified and worried about something, and because I didn't tell them that and because I asked them to advise me on something else, which I thought would then subsequently make me feel better although, I hastened to add, at the time I wasn't as conscious of all of that dynamic as I am now the help they gave me.

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It was helpful, but it didn't really hit the spot and I felt disappointed and they felt frustrated and everyone was confused.

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Or another strategy to help us feel better is to challenge the idea.

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To help us feel better is to challenge the idea, to try to make the idea or the opportunity or the adventure wrong or incorrect in some way.

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In other words, we kick the tires more than necessary.

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So in that case it's like we're drawn towards something.

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We can feel something calling us.

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It's like we're drawn towards something.

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We can feel something calling us.

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We have a fear of getting it wrong.

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We don't like that feeling, and so we try to project that wrongness onto the idea itself, which of course never works.

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And the joke about it is that we often lose touch with the reality that usually getting it wrong isn't that bad.

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Usually getting it wrong doesn't really have a terrible outcome.

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It might have an embarrassing outcome or annoying outcome or a slightly costly outcome, you know, like running out of petrol when you're on your way to visit family for Christmas Day lunch, which I once did.

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This I ran out of petrol on the way to visiting the family for Christmas Day lunch.

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And it's Christmas Day, there's nobody about, it's freezing cold.

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I'm in the car outside of the road.

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I feel like a complete idiot.

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Then, of course, I have to flag somebody down, go to the petrol station, buy the petrol, can get petrol.

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Flag someone down back to the car, and these people giving me lifts are looking at me as if I am some sort of idiot really, which of course that's how I felt.

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But it wasn't that bad.

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I wasn't even really late and I wasn't kidnapped or anything.

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It's all absolutely fine.

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But that was an example.

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I mentioned that to you.

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Now that was years and years and years and years ago, but notice, I still remember it.

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So we're a bit vulnerable and we're a little bit overly ego-driven, I think, when it comes to this getting it wrong business.

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I mean, every single business will one day not be here.

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Every relationship will one day be over.

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Every one of us will one day be dead, at least in this form that we're in now.

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So should we therefore not start a business, not begin a relationship, not live at all, Because that is the inevitable outcome if we're driven by our fear of getting it wrong?

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So the invitation this week is to do a quick scan of your life and just ask yourself am I involved with something at the moment where I have a fear of getting it wrong?

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And if I am, am I allowing that fear to control me and to control the situation?

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Or am I in a situation where I'm really excited and enthralled and challenged by at least one thing in my life, maybe every aspect of your life and does that make me feel alive and excited and interested and enthusiastic?

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Because that's the ideal situation, really, Because any endeavor worth doing.

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Of course there's a risk of getting it wrong, because otherwise it would be something that you've done before, in which case there's no growth.

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And if the answer is no, I don't have any fear of getting anything wrong.

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Everything's going very smoothly, I'm on top of everything, I'm in control.

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Then the invitation is look to see.

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Okay, are you open to considering the possibility that you could stretch yourself a bit further?

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Are you open to considering the possibility that there may be an adventure out there for you, an invitation for you, an opportunity for you that might stretch you?

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And you'll know it's stretching you if that fear of getting it wrong comes up in you and you'll know you're responding to it in a courageous way and in a way that prioritizes your growth and expansion.

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If you notice that experience, use your discernment and discrimination to choose whether it's something you genuinely want to do and then, if it is, go for it.

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So we're all going to have fears of getting it wrong for our entire lives, because it's a natural part of our makeup, and the question is, how much does it run our lives?

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How much do we suppress it and become numb and bland and gray and flat, and how much do we actually embrace it as a sign that here's an opportunity for something extraordinary to occur?

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So I hope you enjoyed that episode.

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Have a wonderful week and I will see you next time.

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Thank you for listening to Truth and Transcendence and thank you for supporting the show by rating, reviewing, subscribing, buying me a coffee and telling a friend If you'd like to know more about my work, you can find out about mentoring, workshops and energy treatments on beingspaceworld.

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Have a wonderful week and I'll see you next time.

Ep 145: Embracing the Fear of Failure as a Catalyst for Transformation

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