Ep 122: Josh Parish ~ Learning from Losses & Personal Growth

Transcript

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Truth and Transcendence, brought to you by being Space with Katherine Llewellyn.

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Truth and Transcendence, episode 122, with special guest Joshua Parrish.

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If you haven't come across Josh, he is the CEO of GetUpGangcom.

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He has for the last 20 years been a health and fitness coach, five years as a soft tissue therapist.

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He's a lifelong student, leader and salesman.

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More than three years of real estate sales and has sold over 35 million.

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He's had over 100 sales jobs.

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He's spent over a quarter of a billion on personal development, which I've got to say I think must be a record.

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Billion.

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Quarter of a million.

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Quarter of a million.

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I think my brain must have just all those zeros.

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My brain just went out the window.

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Quarter of a million, my head would be bigger than the screen.

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Quarter of a million.

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It's okay, I'll focus in a minute.

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He's a master rapport builder and solutions strategist, a builder of leaders and a coach of coaches.

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Why did I invite Josh onto the show, apart from the fact that I thought he'd spent a quarter of a billion on his personal development?

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You wouldn't see me if I was here.

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We haven't got there, yet with inflation.

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Well, Josh actually sent me a personalized video application to the show, which was a first.

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This got my attention.

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Then, when we met, I was really struck by his openness, his curiosity and his willingness to put himself out without holding back.

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I think you'll really notice this as we go through the conversation.

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Josh's story is a deeply human story and it's full of lessons and food for thought.

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Josh, I was so pleased you were able to come on the show.

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Thanks for having me.

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I'm excited to be here Fantastic.

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When we talked before, there were so many things we could have chosen as a theme for today, but the one that we settled on was lessons learned from losses.

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I'll try and say that three times very quickly, because you were telling me that actually a lot of the lessons you've learned have been from losses.

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I think that's a really interesting topic because at the moment in the world, many people have suffered all sorts of losses over the last few years of all kinds.

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There are people suffering losses right now.

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I sent somebody a message this morning inviting them to a workshop and they responded and said normally I would come, but my best friend died last week from suicide.

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I thought there are so many losses going on.

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There are some fantastic things going on, but if we're able to learn from our losses, surely that's a great thing.

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Josh, have you always been able to learn from your losses, or is this something that kicked in at some point in your life that you found yourself realizing that you could learn from losses?

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I would say for the most part I've always been able to learn from losses, just because all too often our friends that are occurring losses in their life.

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They might want to shut it out and not look at it ever again, but then they may tell themselves a version of the story that spirals within them that sets the tone for the rest of their immediate future, but maybe even the rest of their life.

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If you can go back and maybe in an appropriate time, maybe give it a few days where you just don't start, you lose and then you start analyzing immediately, because you do have to give time for it to cool down per se, but then to go back and analyze what possibly had gone wrong.

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And then you grow from that.

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Because when we win, the feel good feelings are amazing.

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Right, we always celebrate other people's wins, but, to be honest with you, you don't learn that much from winning because you're riding so high.

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You're like, oh, there's no reason to go back and look at the wins because I just played so well or I did so well in that specific circumstance, but those losses, oh, it's really a double-edged sword, because you can mull over the loss and beat yourself up and never learn anything from it.

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You just say, hey, I'm the worst, and you just keep telling yourself that and then you spiral down.

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But you can really spiral up when you do pinpoint the areas that broke down within that situation.

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And yes, I don't like to make the same mistake twice, even though I mean I do it but we all do.

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But the universe will keep showing the same trauma or the same circumstance over and over and over, with different faces, just until you get over it.

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So you might as well hunker down and just face it and learn from it, so you don't ever have to see it again.

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Yeah, that's a great observation that it will keep showing it to you until you look at it.

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And I think it's said as well about people making up a story about the loss.

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If we don't want to look at the loss, we make up a story about it so that we can't.

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Well, why do you think we make up a story about it?

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One just with.

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A lot of folks like to place blame in other areas instead of taking ownership.

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But even if somebody on your team screws up or in your family and but ultimately we should take the blame ourselves, just to own it because maybe we didn't educate them or position them appropriately for the outcome that we wanted.

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But yeah, the stories, they help us cope by pointing the finger and then to maybe skew the facts, skew what had happened, just because, well, a lot of times we like to make our stories a little more important than they really are.

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Like, oh, it was the worst situation that happened in 1986, you know ever it was.

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Like, oh, well, you know.

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Other people are like, oh, it really wasn't that bad, you know, like had to walk uphill both ways and there was seven feet of snow, and like so, really, I mean because I don't know the official stats or anything but typically people that create stories about situations by the time of year or two has gone by, like that's their story doesn't even look like the situation anymore.

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I don't know how you quantify those stats or whatnot, but it's true though, because we, we, we maybe dial up the story for entertainment purposes, for the people around us maybe get a little more sympathy, and then that's ingrained.

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That's the story 2.0.

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And then maybe we dial it up to you know, for this specific circumstance, and tell this person, so we get in the reaction I did, and then it changes a little bit more and then we don't even know the story anymore.

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So, yeah, it's just really important just to go back and just all right.

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So how can I observe this in a neutral, unbiased mind frame?

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And then you know, go from there.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Well, I tend to agree with you because you know, my podcast is called Truth in Transcendence.

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So the idea is that the first thing we want to look at is what's the actual truth of the situation, and you're talking about that.

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If we avoid the truth of our losses immediately we're not doing that, are we?

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Immediately?

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We don't have the right facts at our fingertips to learn from.

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So how is you know you said you've been doing this all your life, you know, recognizing that learning from losses?

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I think that might be quite unusual.

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Well, any idea why it is that you, what was it about you when you were younger that meant you kind of recognize this, because some people never get this lesson, do they?

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I had the opportunity to well one.

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A lot of people don't have the opportunities that I had at a younger age and you know, when I moved around about every year or two of my life because my stepdad was getting promotions in a retail store, so we moved all over the southeast portion of the country and then I had the opportunity to face bullies and people, because I was always the new kid in school but I was overweight, but I was dressed in really nice clothes because what we grew up in retail, when we got discounts and we knew how to shop, and so it is, and then I was pretty good at baseball even though I was overweight.

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So it's just really just all these triggers for people that could, they could really hone in and dig at me.

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So you know, I didn't, I wasn't necessarily one to wallow, and this is the situation because I mean, coming from a farm family, we worked and if we wanted to change something then we changed it Right.

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So and I just always had the ability to recreate the story about me.

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Now, obviously, my base I was still overweight in the new kid, but you know, maybe this school I said this way, I maybe wore the weird pants on the first day or something like that.

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I was like, okay, well, we'll do that again next time.

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Yeah.

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So you keep going and touching the electric fence, right, it's like, well, eventually you'll stop.

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You know, like so yeah.

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Maybe, maybe rethink the orange pants.

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Yeah, I I'm creating an online course right now and I told my mom I needed bat pictures of me when I was young so I could tell people about my story.

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And I uncovered because I was really good about throwing away pictures when I was younger, which makes it difficult for me now but I uncovered these.

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Uh, this picture from seventh grade and I've got inmate orange pants on and like this Hawaiian shirt and I'm just like good God, what is going on, josh?

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But hey, I thought I was cool.

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Like that was.

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That was about the orange pants.

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Well, I did once listen to.

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There was a guy, um, who was doing one of these sort of courses on relationships you know how to have the relationship that you want, you know.

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And he said he was saying look, sometimes there's something about the person you just cannot deal with, like, for example, they wear orange pants.

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Sometimes that's just a deal breaker, you can do it.

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Well, got our quirks right, so okay.

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So you could kind of reinvent yourself every year.

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And yeah, what's wild, you go back with my Facebook.

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I think I hopped on Facebook in 2009 and I literally have 12 different looks, at least from 2009, where maybe I look like a pirate, maybe one time I looked like a bouncer, like gain 30 pounds, had a nose ring, um, long hair, short hair, pretty boy, just.

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I've always recreated myself.

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Then got a new job and moved to a different area of the of the United States Just, and it's been a blessing, but it's also been a curse.

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And because I don't maintain relationships that well, because it was always learning how to build rapport in the new circumstance and never had to maintain because I knew I would be gone, yeah, so, and unfortunately, like, I've carried that throughout my life and when I, when I connect with people, I guess that's why I'm so up front and concise and so I can really get to you know what moves people and and you know and learn about them, instead of the pleasantries of a very shallow conversation, and that really doesn't hold my attention and I really don't.

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I don't necessarily want to say I don't have the ability to small talk, but but yeah, I mean there's in in every circumstance and every attribute that you refine, like it's also taking away from other attributes and characteristics.

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So when you work towards one thing, you take, you're taking away from another.

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And yeah, yeah, potentially, absolutely yes, and we can't all be good, brilliant at everything, or it is, it can't be, and the ones that are probably don't have any friends.

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I was annoyed with them for being so amazing, fantastic.

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So, so you, one thing you mentioned there that really struck me was that kind of what you might call unattachment to a particular persona.

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You know that when you said all the different looks, so you're quite loose around your, it sounds like you're quite able to go yeah, I'll just drop that one, I'll pick up another one and play with it, which I think that's a real advantage having that, because to a lot of us, we get stuck on the persona that we think is the one we should be doing, or the one we're attached to, or the one we you know, and it can be great to be able to just realize that you're not that persona, can't it?

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Yeah, we literally create who?

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we are the stories that we tell ourselves, our habits, our movement patterns, what we like, what we don't like, and so many people have so much difficulty letting these things go.

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And then I'm on the other side of the spectrum where I'm just like big old world out there.

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I could have eyebrow ringing, purple hair tomorrow, or whatever, and wear a dress and whatever you know.

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I could just completely flip the script and be completely different tomorrow, fly to China and call myself Thomas or whatever you know.

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But you have the power to do that.

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It's just people get so, they're uncomfortable with change and, honestly, I get squirmish.

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If I am in any situation for too long, I'm like, okay, well, josh, I need to, I need to recreate something Because essentially, I've dropped realist.

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I mean, I haven't totally dropped real estate.

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I'm very good at it and I still.

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I'm still a broker, but going full steam into this whole coaching transformation type deal online that gives me ultimate mobility.

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I can go wherever I want to go.

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I'm.

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That gives me ultimate mobility.

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I can go wherever.

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But I'm having a great year and all of a sudden I'm just like well, josh, it's time to level up because you're feeling comfortable where you are, you're doing well, but there's higher levels for you.

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And I'm talking to me, but that was what I was saying there's, there's, there's more for you out there.

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So you've got to go burn up the old ways and go forth and and do so.

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Yeah, I mean just on the spectrum of things.

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Whether you idealize like staying the same forever, that's great.

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You maintain relationships from like the entire life over here, you recreate yourself in a moment's notice.

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Well then you're really lacking on the relationship side.

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But then you can go be absolutely anything you want to be.

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It's both.

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It's got its pitfalls.

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You can argue either side.

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But isn't it true as well that some people are more agile in terms of maintaining relationships?

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You know, I've known people who've had numerous reinventions but who've retained relationships with people who can dance with that, you know who were cool with that.

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I I've got.

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I mean, I've reinvented myself numerous times, probably not as often as you have.

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Compared to you I'm in the slow lane probably for that.

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But you know, compared to a lot of people are not so.

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But there are people who have been friends forever who've also reinvented themselves numerous times.

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You know, maybe now they're in China instead of just down the street, but the connection is still there.

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But not everyone is able to do that.

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A lot of people can only stay really connected If the context for the connection doesn't change.

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You know the circumstances don't change.

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Well, I'm sorry, go ahead.

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I was just going to say do you find that you have people who you've sort of stayed really connected to, who are more kind of flexible and change oriented, like you are?

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Oh yeah, like now.

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I don't want to say like I don't have anybody from my past.

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My life I've got friends for the lot that had been my friends for the last 10, 15 years, and I have a handful of them.

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And I guess they say like you'd rather have a handful of real friends than a thousand, you know not, I mean acquaintances, and so I mean I've maintained, you know, a couple of relationships for the long term.

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So I wouldn't necessarily say I'm too, too bad, but yeah, it's just and again, maintaining relationships.

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I mean it's really golden.

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I mean it's so important.

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And I was actually doing this practice where I would write thank you, handwritten thank you notes to people.

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I'll do two a day, and I did this for like four months this year and it made me so, it made me feel so good about myself because I was sitting in love out in an uncanny way, and then I would also randomly receive a card back.

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So you got to be what you want.

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You know, if you need something in life, like I need to build more relationships, well, you got to be a good friend first and then, and then you'll get it back.

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Yeah.

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So yeah, if you, if you want love.

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Then you got to go love yeah.

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If you want to be a friend, or if you want friends, you got to go be a friend, yeah, so, but I'm just so inwardly focused at times because I do know that I help people with, with how I coach them, that I guess I try to recreate myself so I can be this version, seven point or whatever, just because I know that I'll be able to help people so much more.

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But then tomorrow is never promised either.

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So I got to stop building at some point, live right now and just serve with what I have.

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And that's more than adequate, because we're born with a certain amount of gifts and, yes, we can refine them over our lives.

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But at the same time you got to grow up the hammer and live right now and you know so like.

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But yeah, I mean, I help people now too.

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It's just.

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I love to work on myself.

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That's just.

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That's just.

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It's weird, but I love it.

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I do as well.

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I think one of the reasons I do is because there's there's so much scope.

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You know there's no end to it.

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There's a phrase that some people use called being and becoming.

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You know that we, we need to spend some time just being and some time becoming, being and becoming, and that felt like what you were talking about just then.

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If we, if we're always just being, that may not be enough for us and if we're always just becoming we, that may not be enough for us, but the two together.

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And I felt like that's what you were just talking about.

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I like that.

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I've always said there's a time for show and a time for grow.

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Oh, I like that.

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Yeah, it's the same.

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But yeah, I like the, the, the be and being that's.

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That's a good one too.

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Yeah, time for time for grow.

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That's slightly more.

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That's a little.

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That's a little bit more sort of funky as a way of doing it.

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Mine, mine is a bit more sort of new agey being a show.

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Show biz baby.

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Show and grow.

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So, coming back to talking about lessons learned from losses, just to help the listeners kind of get a sort of a human side of that a little bit, would you like to tell us some stories about losses that you've had?

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I mean, I'm not sort of inviting you to have a miserable time on this podcast, but I just know no, not at all and kind of how you kind of learned from the losses, because I think that could be very educational for people, certainly.

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Anyway, A situation, circumstance that is on my mind always Is so many times in my life when I've moved, and because I would, I would move places with nothing.

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You know, no mad, they travel light and they let the land, they live off the land per se.

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I knew that I was going to establish relationships and get a good job or sell something cool and have a good life, because I just, I know that I could maneuver in that in that manner.

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But you only have so much mental real estate, so much capacity to focus, so much, and we are ever growing vessels or channels of love.

00:21:05.843 --> 00:21:06.724
So we can, we can love in an infinite amount.

00:21:06.724 --> 00:21:12.605
But you got to strip the good out of your life to go for the great.

00:21:15.771 --> 00:21:43.354
Because if you stay in a specific situation where you know you're doing this one profession, you got and I know this is terrible, but you got to you got a girlfriend or a wife or a girlfriend or a wife or a spouse and you're part of the pickleball club or the Rotary Club and like that's, that's your template and you're only going to maximize that so much and you might feel comfortable, you might wake up at ease in the morning in the warm bed.

00:21:43.354 --> 00:21:45.230
I'm thinking from experience here.

00:21:45.230 --> 00:22:16.916
Right, I just I remember them, but it hurts to realize I'm going to have to go kill that version of myself to, to go and create this new version, because right here you might be on a decent car, decent vehicle, decent template, but if you want to go get on that monster truck, ferrari, that where you can go to the moon or at least get closer to the moon, then you're going to have to kill all that good off and that hurts.

00:22:16.916 --> 00:22:23.684
Like you, I've killed my soul so many times from just any.

00:22:23.684 --> 00:22:25.511
I mean I don't understand it.

00:22:25.511 --> 00:22:37.724
I know it sounds kind of like a sociopath or something, but I mean if you but really and truly like you have to give up the, you have to give up the $100,000 job to go and do the $200,000 job.

00:22:37.724 --> 00:22:39.402
You got to get the 200 to go to the 400.

00:22:39.402 --> 00:22:41.724
So you can only do so much.

00:22:42.867 --> 00:22:48.724
But yeah, I mean I've just learned that over the years is like you, and even though you're good is what people dream about.

00:22:48.724 --> 00:23:06.696
You might have been dreaming about it for the past couple of years, that good place, but then when you get that good, you realize the breakdowns, you remember the flaws and then like, oh, I don't want this anymore, like I want to go and and grow and be something else.

00:23:06.696 --> 00:23:13.664
So, but I mean that's the beauty of having a partner that loves you for who you are and the growth that comes with it.

00:23:13.664 --> 00:23:18.922
If you can find that, because a lot of times the you know the partners that I've had, they won.

00:23:20.789 --> 00:23:23.724
I change so much so people define me in their own specific way.

00:23:23.724 --> 00:23:41.724
I mean everybody's going to define you in their own specific way, but the versions of me within people and and I move at such a fast pace changing in my mind and who I am they may love an old version of me and then they may say something to me like hey, josh, you changed.

00:23:41.724 --> 00:23:44.851
And I'm thinking, oh, hell, yeah, I have.

00:23:44.851 --> 00:23:52.263
Like, yeah, but but then it just doesn't align anymore because they're they're in love with that version of me.

00:23:52.263 --> 00:23:52.664
That's not anymore.

00:23:52.664 --> 00:23:56.492
Now it's a part of me, but it's not.

00:23:56.492 --> 00:24:04.700
It's not the their frame of me and and I'm not here to be in anybody's frame Like people can be in my frame and people can be in your frame.

00:24:07.249 --> 00:24:16.258
So a lot of times people don't seek the changes because they don't want to bend the frames that people have made for them, when really and truly it's it's.

00:24:16.258 --> 00:24:17.724
Do you want to be here with me?

00:24:17.724 --> 00:24:21.009
Not, I'm going to be here with you and again I'm.

00:24:21.009 --> 00:24:24.163
That's probably a selfish way to think about it, but ultimately, you're born alone.

00:24:24.163 --> 00:24:24.724
You're going to die alone.

00:24:24.724 --> 00:24:28.704
You're either going to the you're going to come Mount Everest, or you're not.

00:24:28.704 --> 00:24:32.715
You're going to have the beautiful family or you're not.

00:24:32.715 --> 00:24:33.869
It's just like what are you?

00:24:35.567 --> 00:24:37.987
Yeah, crazy, yeah.

00:24:37.987 --> 00:24:45.577
Like my rescue cat, which I told you about in the beginning, looking out the window and crying because you're not allowed outside yet.

00:24:48.506 --> 00:24:52.933
But essentially, yeah, people are scared of change and it's scary, so it's understandable.

00:24:53.556 --> 00:24:55.419
Yes, okay, okay.

00:24:57.027 --> 00:24:58.548
So you said a lot there.

00:24:58.588 --> 00:25:11.115
Actually, josh, that was quite intense, you know, as I was listening to you and imagining that whole kind of story you were telling of, and I'm just going to kind of play it back and see if I've sort of understood it.

00:25:11.765 --> 00:25:26.133
You know, it sounds like what you're talking about is you have reaching the situation where you've achieved what you wanted to achieve, you've achieved a kind of a template, and you get there and it satisfies you for a while, and then you want to go to the next level.

00:25:26.133 --> 00:25:35.538
But in order to go to the next level, you've got to let go of some of what you've actually built to that point, which then feels like a loss.

00:25:35.538 --> 00:25:42.724
So it sounds like the learning and the losses are sort of alternating with each other.

00:25:42.724 --> 00:25:58.997
It sounds like you're doing some learning and growing and then realize you've got to let go of some stuff, and then, when you let go of some stuff, you do some more learning and growing, and that sounds like a sort of an alternating thing, which I recognize.

00:25:58.997 --> 00:26:05.724
That, and you said you killed off some of your lives.

00:26:05.724 --> 00:26:10.621
That's quite a dramatic way of putting it, but it can feel quite dramatic sometimes, can't it?

00:26:11.463 --> 00:26:24.491
Oh, yeah, I mean you're walking into the darkness voluntarily, I guess the way that I explain things are probably, but I try to get my point across very vividly, so it strikes a chord, right.

00:26:24.491 --> 00:26:35.909
But yeah, I mean, you are sacrificing yourself portions of yourself, and it's not necessarily for me either.

00:26:36.441 --> 00:26:54.059
Like, I mean you give thanks to the gods and the opportunities that they give to you, the gifts, Because if we don't utilize the gifts that we're given, then that's a sin, that's like a spit in the God's face.

00:26:54.059 --> 00:26:56.788
So, and life?

00:26:56.788 --> 00:27:03.490
Yes, it's important for us to create our heaven on earth, but at the same time, is life really supposed to be about comfort?

00:27:03.490 --> 00:27:12.980
I mean, I really feel like it's supposed to be about growth and helping the people around us grow, and a lot of times, growth is not comfortable at all.

00:27:12.980 --> 00:27:21.155
So, yeah, I mean there's going to be a lot of heartache, but also the more heartache, the more triumph.

00:27:21.155 --> 00:27:30.986
You know what I mean, that you can have, not necessarily just because you go through heartache, that you will have it, but but yeah, it's a and.

00:27:30.986 --> 00:27:33.853
So something that I remembered.

00:27:34.942 --> 00:27:50.019
So, in terms of you were talking about the alternating between the learning and the losing, and I remember back in high school, I would think, because I would have bouts of depression and it was like it was wavelengths.

00:27:50.019 --> 00:27:54.059
You know how you see the different types of frequencies on like a chart.

00:27:54.059 --> 00:27:56.022
You got the slow rolling.

00:27:56.022 --> 00:28:12.953
Well, I noticed, as I age, the waves aren't as big, the highs and the lows and as I age and refine myself, the vibrating, the waves just get shorter and shorter and shorter.

00:28:12.953 --> 00:28:22.954
I don't necessarily have the highs that I had or the lows, but the vibration is just so powerful, so high that I mean it's it's, it's high energy.

00:28:22.954 --> 00:28:37.732
So, yeah, and even though I'm not vibrating as high of a frequency as I will like, I know that I'm getting better every single day and and that's what attracts the things that you want in life is when you're on that same frequency with them.

00:28:37.732 --> 00:28:40.406
So, yeah, we attract success.

00:28:40.406 --> 00:28:43.265
We don't necessarily work towards success, we become.

00:28:43.265 --> 00:28:47.039
What it takes to achieve that compensation that we want.

00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:48.866
Yeah, it comes to us.

00:28:49.565 --> 00:28:53.488
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely Wow.

00:28:53.488 --> 00:29:10.898
I don't know what to ask you next, because I'm just kind of drinking that in, because it sounds like you sort of embraced a kind of attitude to life which was all about growth, and you also said about being called.

00:29:10.898 --> 00:29:15.019
You didn't say being called, but it sounded like you talked about being called to it.

00:29:15.019 --> 00:29:26.059
You're not just doing it for your own glory, You're also doing it because you feel like it's part of what you're supposed to be doing as a human being on the planet helping other people and growing.

00:29:26.059 --> 00:29:30.461
So you're very tuned to that, I think.

00:29:30.701 --> 00:29:30.902
So.

00:29:30.902 --> 00:29:41.996
I think the the way you described the letting go of the old way of being in order to make room for the new way of being.

00:29:41.996 --> 00:29:48.059
I think that does happen to most people, but people don't always perceive it the way that you are describing.

00:29:48.059 --> 00:29:57.724
I think sometimes people perceive it as a disaster which then they recovered from, Whereas you described the exact same thing.

00:29:57.724 --> 00:30:00.088
As I felt the.

00:30:00.088 --> 00:30:12.520
I felt the core and the pool to grow and I let go of some stuff to enable me to do that, and from the outside it might look exactly the same as the person who's saying it was a disaster Is that.

00:30:12.520 --> 00:30:14.326
Is that fair what I'm saying there?

00:30:15.008 --> 00:30:16.240
Absolutely You're.

00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:17.445
I mean you hit the nail in the head.

00:30:17.445 --> 00:30:20.282
It's we.

00:30:20.282 --> 00:30:27.815
Can we have the opportunity to describe a situation and see what we want to see, no matter what's happening.

00:30:28.079 --> 00:30:36.886
So quick story a couple of days ago, I haven't heard from my buddy in several months, and that's common.

00:30:36.886 --> 00:30:55.803
He's an attorney in four different states and in a cut like England and Mexico, and he's, he's from, he's not, he's not a citizen yet, but he's living in a in a big city and he's kind of a hermit, but he's, he's beautiful, he's smart, he's well spoken, he's kind of like me, but he's an attorney, but a.

00:30:55.803 --> 00:31:02.013
Not calling myself beautiful or anything like that, but I'm just saying but he, he, he has that about him.

00:31:02.013 --> 00:31:06.711
So he decided that he was going to go out to a nightclub and he hadn't been out in forever.

00:31:06.711 --> 00:31:14.589
And he, he has just recently blown up, he's, he's glowed up, he's, he's, he's built muscle and he's feeling, he was feeling good that night.

00:31:14.589 --> 00:31:17.059
And then all of a sudden he get attacked.

00:31:17.059 --> 00:31:19.039
He gets attacked by bouncers.

00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:30.019
Now, this nightclub is owned by the mob, right, so these bouncers whoop him and he fights back, but he didn't know that they were bouncers.

00:31:30.019 --> 00:31:40.874
And then, when the cops show up, the cops, whoop him too, and then, in my friend's fashion, he starts spitting out, he knows his rights and he starts pleading all these amendments and stuff like that.

00:31:41.059 --> 00:31:55.039
Well, they throw the book at him and he called me and he's like I got to tell you, you know, I'm just, I'm the victim here and I don't know what they're going to do if they take my licenses, cause this is how I identify myself.

00:31:55.039 --> 00:32:11.027
And he's just like he's just explained it as the worst and, yes, it was a terrible story, but I just I sit there for a second and I'm like hold on, bro, you don't ever call yourself a victim, right, and this is the opportunity, because this was the universe telling you that you need to pivot.

00:32:11.027 --> 00:32:38.009
Because he had been, he had been saving for the past couple of years that, even though he was making a nice wage per se you know, like a work for a big company you pay to hourly as an attorney, like he's doing just fine but he didn't like his lot in life anymore because he, he was just, he was feeling stagnant and I said well, buddy, like I don't want to say his name, but like this is the opportunity, the universe is telling you to make the move.

00:32:38.140 --> 00:32:42.550
So it again, like it will whoop your butt and make you make the move.

00:32:42.550 --> 00:32:49.665
So I told him that he needs to envision the worst case scenario he gets the book thrown at him.

00:32:49.665 --> 00:32:54.888
He doesn't, he's not an attorney anymore, he's deported.

00:32:54.888 --> 00:32:57.039
I'm like, what are you going to do in that situation?

00:32:57.039 --> 00:33:01.113
How are you going to pivot and still be the man that got you to where you are?

00:33:01.113 --> 00:33:07.202
Because he's a bad dude, like, he's awesome, like he's a killer, like, and he's still young?

00:33:07.202 --> 00:33:09.346
But I'm like, what are?

00:33:09.346 --> 00:33:13.913
Like, if this happens which it's likely, I mean it's, it's not any.

00:33:14.374 --> 00:33:23.019
It's a lot better to envision that and go ahead and just pivot, like, do it, like just just just take the leg, like whatever, like let's go tomorrow.

00:33:23.019 --> 00:33:25.059
Like let's just go with I've got one leg now.

00:33:25.059 --> 00:33:37.059
Like I don't give them, you know, like, so I'm like I took him there because so too often we're like oh, I hope my good name is cleared, I hope this happens and we're just, we're in a lull and that's just as bad as wallowing.

00:33:37.059 --> 00:33:38.526
You're hoping.

00:33:38.526 --> 00:33:44.371
So just go ahead and just do it, just like rip the bandaid off and move forth and like now.

00:33:44.371 --> 00:33:50.059
I'm like so now he's still an attorney, he's still in limbo, or I hadn't talked to him since that conversation.

00:33:50.059 --> 00:33:56.059
So he either took my advice and he's he's pivoting right now, or he's not but I've always just been one.

00:33:56.883 --> 00:33:57.022
Now.

00:33:57.022 --> 00:34:02.059
I've wallowed in my life, but you know what, if I'm going to have to jump off the cliff, I'm not getting pushed.

00:34:02.059 --> 00:34:11.039
I'm like, I'm like, I'm doing it Like so, like I'm going to run and jump and just like the gods are going to catch me or not.

00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:12.262
But I've always just had.

00:34:12.262 --> 00:34:21.059
I knew that if I was the aggressor and I took, and I had the plan, I could create the outcome instead of just getting what was handed to me.

00:34:21.059 --> 00:34:24.059
You don't ever want to be just handed your fate.

00:34:25.306 --> 00:34:25.989
Like you want to.

00:34:25.989 --> 00:34:28.059
You want to go out with a bang if you're going to do it.

00:34:28.059 --> 00:34:33.039
So I don't remember the question, but I know that I kind of stayed on close to it.

00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:34.130
It's good enough.

00:34:34.130 --> 00:34:36.043
It's good enough.

00:34:37.420 --> 00:34:59.911
You know these conversations are not supposed to go in a straight line, right, but you must have really made some changes, because you were saying that you at school, when you were younger, you would be bullied and you were kind of overweight and obviously you know that was a difficult situation and looking at you now you look sort of big and strong and fit.

00:34:59.911 --> 00:35:04.777
You must have at some point made a decision about that.

00:35:06.302 --> 00:35:23.782
Yeah, I would say it was about I was about 14, eighth grade, so I just and I've had my highs and lows, because I understand that I can get back in shape very, very quickly, because I understand what to do and I know that it's.

00:35:23.782 --> 00:35:40.413
But I also I love the study and I become completely immersed in a topic and everything else around me will burn down because I'm so focused and honed in on a specific outcome or a level of something.

00:35:40.413 --> 00:35:48.603
So I've fallen in and out of shape many times over my life and right now so I'm the past.

00:35:48.603 --> 00:35:56.414
You know, I did like a six month transformation deal where I went from pretty soft to like I looked really really good and really strong.

00:35:56.414 --> 00:36:05.615
And over the last month and a half I've been building this online platform type deal for my clients and I am maintaining good diet and some exercise.

00:36:05.655 --> 00:36:07.519
But it's not necessarily the level of activity.

00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:11.025
So, yeah, I flipped the switch about eighth grade.

00:36:11.025 --> 00:36:13.429
But it doesn't.

00:36:13.429 --> 00:36:20.559
If you do all the right things and you don't do things that take you, like, make you have back steps like three, three steps forward, two steps back.

00:36:20.559 --> 00:36:25.351
If you just eliminate the back steps, you really accelerate so much more rapidly.

00:36:25.351 --> 00:36:31.690
But yeah, I am the game of baseball and visualizing outcomes on the field.

00:36:31.690 --> 00:36:37.965
I translated that over into every area of my life and I played baseball for about 20 years.

00:36:39.041 --> 00:36:39.382
So that was.

00:36:40.625 --> 00:36:41.746
That was a thinking man's game.

00:36:41.746 --> 00:36:42.429
I loved it.

00:36:43.311 --> 00:36:44.432
So how do you translate?

00:36:44.432 --> 00:36:49.177
I don't know anything about baseball, I mean, I know it exists, right.

00:36:49.177 --> 00:36:54.391
So how do you translate that across into other parts of life?

00:36:55.481 --> 00:37:07.255
Well visualizing the outcomes, because there's still baseball has been around for 100 plus years and there's still things happening on baseball fields that have never happened before.

00:37:07.255 --> 00:37:17.519
So, just like in the game of chess, there's so many different moves from each position and the more pieces, I guess, the more moves available to us.

00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:23.559
And on the in the baseball field, the game, there's just so many different moves.

00:37:23.559 --> 00:37:35.559
So you really have to expand your mind and your consciousness, because different players create different situations, even though it might look similar for something that happened last week, and so the variables are ever changing.

00:37:35.559 --> 00:38:03.559
And so to take that plasticity to and that idea towards, towards life, then I mean it's just, if you can, if you can envision all the outcomes For you right now, going forward like, say, in the next 10 minutes, then it's not as scary because you've already mentally gone through it, and mentally going through things is pretty much just the same as if you're actually going through it.

00:38:04.985 --> 00:38:05.987
I get you right.

00:38:06.068 --> 00:38:06.309
Yeah.

00:38:06.599 --> 00:38:09.429
It's like a very like a strategic rehearsal in your head.

00:38:10.989 --> 00:38:12.559
Yeah, exactly Exactly.

00:38:12.559 --> 00:38:17.728
And a lot of you know injured fighters that can't necessarily work out.

00:38:17.728 --> 00:38:23.117
They will sit there and visualize the fight in their mind and that they still stay.

00:38:23.117 --> 00:38:24.559
Their mind stays in tune with their body.

00:38:24.559 --> 00:38:26.847
So it's not all is lost.

00:38:27.208 --> 00:38:27.409
Yeah.

00:38:27.860 --> 00:38:36.559
And and then like, say, war zones you know, probably the first time a soldier goes out on the battlefield, they're just scared to pieces.

00:38:36.559 --> 00:38:41.773
But say you know that same soldier fast forward, say they've been.

00:38:41.773 --> 00:38:44.539
You know they've had five different tours and 10 years experience.

00:38:44.539 --> 00:38:50.239
Well, that 10, you know that you know the last day is a heck of a lot different than that first day.

00:38:50.239 --> 00:38:50.559
And why is that?

00:38:50.559 --> 00:38:52.559
It's just because they've gone through it.

00:38:52.559 --> 00:39:02.914
So, and things aren't as scary if you've gone through it a few times, but if you've rehearsed it in your head, it's just, it's just, it's pretty much like actually going through it.

00:39:03.153 --> 00:39:04.416
So yeah, yeah.

00:39:04.416 --> 00:39:13.248
Well, I can see why coaching is something that really appeals to you, because you're, you're, you're.

00:39:13.248 --> 00:39:31.586
You seem to be really good at kind of really engaging with all these different dynamics of being a human person and and really being very committed to growth, but also recognizing that you don't keep everything 10 at high tension all the time.

00:39:31.586 --> 00:39:39.574
The thing you said about you know working on creating the new platform you've dived back a bit on some of the fitness work.

00:39:39.574 --> 00:39:40.976
You know doing less.

00:39:40.976 --> 00:39:50.190
You haven't gone back to doing the things that are really stupid, so you're not doing those, so you're kind of maintaining but you're not pushing forward in the same way.

00:39:50.190 --> 00:39:53.389
But you know that you can get back to that when you want to.

00:39:53.389 --> 00:40:06.014
I think this is one of the things that sometimes it's difficult for us to think about because we think, okay, growth, if we want to be really open to growth, we've got to keep growing in all areas all the time.

00:40:06.876 --> 00:40:07.195
Right.

00:40:07.559 --> 00:40:08.764
We can't do that, can we?

00:40:09.719 --> 00:40:15.572
No, lord, no, and really I would say success is more about subtracting than adding.

00:40:15.572 --> 00:40:20.983
It's subtraction and replacing because, again, we can only do so much.

00:40:20.983 --> 00:40:30.791
And then the way that I can stay in moderate shape right now and not know is because I'm doing the highest return on investment.

00:40:30.791 --> 00:40:44.293
Action items, like the things that are going to you know, like say, you know, this action over here is worth 10 of these actions over here and these 10 actions are going to take me half the day, but this one action takes me 10 minutes.

00:40:44.293 --> 00:40:46.559
You know over here the high value one.

00:40:47.001 --> 00:40:54.217
So as you grow and progress, you start to identify higher return on investment.

00:40:54.217 --> 00:40:59.025
You know things that can help you along the way and then if you just if you keep refining, then you can.

00:40:59.025 --> 00:41:06.559
You can really boil down and uncover all these really high, high value items.

00:41:06.559 --> 00:41:22.454
So that's the great thing about getting mentors and getting coaches and that's why I've spent so much money on courses and coaches and mentors and moved around so much is because I'm just uncovering these, these points of leverage.

00:41:22.454 --> 00:41:28.811
Yeah, so I can just split switches and be like, oh well, I'm already top 10% because I've known this one switch.

00:41:29.353 --> 00:41:29.472
Yeah.

00:41:30.221 --> 00:41:37.855
So the more, the more switches that you have, you can go to any mountaintop very, very quickly if you do it right.

00:41:38.315 --> 00:41:41.519
Yeah, and that's completely different from just trying harder, isn't it?

00:41:42.731 --> 00:41:50.514
Yeah, definitely there has to be, you know, a sense of pride and work ethic and you know, put the pedal to the metal when it's time.

00:41:50.514 --> 00:42:00.989
But to slow down and realize that you can only do so much, and whatever that you want to do, there's somebody out there that's done it 10 times bigger, 10 times faster.

00:42:00.989 --> 00:42:06.405
So and if you can start thinking like that, then I mean the world's your oyster.

00:42:06.405 --> 00:42:14.036
But just listen, there's so many coaches out there doing their best and that's great.

00:42:14.036 --> 00:42:16.478
They're pouring love into the world.

00:42:16.478 --> 00:42:38.494
But they want you to just hop off on their program, change your life and just uproot and like, all right, you're on this program now and that's a recipe for success and it's really like it should be action items fit within someone's lifestyle and then to prioritize and eliminate, you know, the things that aren't serving them, the time sucks and the value, you know just the Burt resources.

00:42:38.494 --> 00:42:42.047
So yeah, I'm sorry, I'm just kind of rambling.

00:42:42.067 --> 00:42:43.230
I lost my track.

00:42:43.780 --> 00:42:45.927
But no, it's like it's still on topic.

00:42:47.242 --> 00:42:47.985
So this is great.

00:42:48.599 --> 00:43:22.123
I you know when these conversations feel like they're rambling, that's usually the best, because that's where we're going into all the areas that we hadn't already said before or not in the same way, and listeners love it you know I say this now, but I mean I watched one of your videos where you were doing the get up thing, you know, and for listeners, if you don't know what that is, it's like he lies flat on the floor, does a press up and then stands up and then does the same thing again.

00:43:22.123 --> 00:43:23.268
That's basically it, isn't it?

00:43:23.268 --> 00:43:25.260
Yeah?

00:43:25.842 --> 00:43:29.309
I saw you doing it and I thought, hey, he makes it look really easy.

00:43:29.309 --> 00:43:32.034
But you know, look at him, I'm going to see if I can do it.

00:43:32.034 --> 00:43:39.641
So I did one and I didn't spring up.

00:43:39.641 --> 00:43:42.869
You know, like, like, like I was made of rubber, like you did.

00:43:42.869 --> 00:43:44.612
You just sort of sprang up.

00:43:44.612 --> 00:44:02.918
I'm mentioning it now because the thing you said about the high leverage thing, the thing has a big effect, because I saw you doing that and I tried one and I thought you know what, I bet if I did this repeatedly it would work every single part of my body.

00:44:02.918 --> 00:44:09.552
Is that why you chose that for your get-up game thing?

00:44:10.402 --> 00:44:11.346
Oh, absolutely.

00:44:11.346 --> 00:44:13.503
It's so high value.

00:44:13.503 --> 00:44:28.695
And it doesn't matter what level of physicality where you are, whether you're 400 pounds and you've never done any type of exercise or you're an Olympic athlete.

00:44:28.695 --> 00:44:42.632

Ep 122: Josh Parish ~ Learning from Losses & Personal Growth

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